[This post was originally authored elsewhere. I’ve since decided to include it here.]
I’ve always wondered how much honesty would be too much honesty when it comes to writing about my character or feelings on an online dating site. Writing anything at all is quite the conundrum to begin with—something that can be seen in comparing the contrasting guides and how-to’s discussing how one should fill out those blasted profiles in order to find the perfect match!—but, I digress.
Recently, I began to think about my profile on one site—which has only attracted two women—and started to wonder whether I should try to tweak it, and how to go about doing so. My first thought was to try and be just a bit more honest and upfront—to take some of the mystery away, and to attempt to reassure that I am not another one of those creeps fishing for a “good time.”
“Divorced. Lonely. Depressed. Wishing to change that all, real soon, with your help,” was my first thought; just emblazing the top line of my bio with those words. I couldn’t speak truer words to anyone; surely I’d get someone with that kind of honesty, wouldn’t I? After further thought, however, I had my doubts and figured that despite my efforts in being honest, I’d come off as the pathetic and pitiful creep that nobody would want. Sad, really, because honestly many women are looking for that guy—the one that fits the description that I wrote—but they really don’t want to run into someone who’d say it that way. Though that guy is wanted, those words take on negative connotations.
Divorced. A guy that has known love, sure, but a love that ended somehow… That thought can be attractive—where it’s obvious that the man knows of love well enough to commit—but it brings about the introduction of several questions: Whose fault was it? Was it mutual? How messy was it? Does that mean that he has a pre-defined type? Will he try to compare relationships? Is there still a connection to the ex-?
It’s easy to see how—despite that one positive note—hearing that a guy is divorced is a scary prospect.
Lonely. Depressed. These two statements kind of go hand in hand; it would make sense that someone that’s feeling lonely would be depressed due to the loneliness. But, then again, one is able to raise question to the degree of the depression and loneliness. Does it mean that he will continue to be depressed a few communiqués in, or will it fade like it should? Does this mean that he will be a little clingy or over-exuberant when he gets a message or call? And if he’s lonely and depressed now, will he feel the same should things not work out?
That last question is a big one for many women; after all, how many women really want to be the cause of a man’s heartache? Not many; and where women typically feel so much more in tune with their emotions and know the pains of heartache themselves, they’d rather skip over the guy showing evidence that he’s in touch with his emotions, simply because they don’t want to hurt him any further.
Wishing to change all that, real soon, with your help. A good reinforcing statement that shows some play and humor—not a whole lot wrong with it—other than it’s a bit cheesy. It shows that the guy wants to find a true connection, but the cheese suggests that it may just be another line. So much for trying to show that I’m not just another one of those guys.
[Republished March 27, 2016]
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