Sunday, May 31, 2026

I managed to wake fairly early this morning, though I’m still not quite feeling all that awake. I have that slight hungover sort of feeling going on in my body, though I hadn’t a single drop to drink. I’m guessing it’s just various aches and pains brought about by having spent most of the day outside yesterday and not staying hydrated well enough. It’s quite likely that it is also due to the house growing fairly cold overnight, and my not sleeping too well, as I also get this feeling when I’ve gone camping. The general body aches are slowly melting away as I sit here; the sinus related pains and muscular tension in my neck is fading at an even slower pace.

The yard has been mowed, and a fence finished enough to have turned the dog loose in the yard last night. Sophie is still running around the backyard this morning; I wonder how long it will be before she finds another way to escape.

There are several birds chirping this morning.

Dean is the only child awake and moving, thus far. Currently he’s in the living room with a bowl of raisin bran.

Facebook decided to notify me of a Harrison County Schools post from a few weeks ago; I need to remember that there was no school a few Tuesdays ago. Facebook is useless. I swear, I remember notifications being more timely and relevant; I guess switching to a model where the system sees that a random “popular” post has not reached a particular user’s eyes has ruined that.

I’m failing on my wishes to quit smoking.

I have a bit more yardwork that I hope I might be able to get to tonight, after Ashlee leaves for work. I need to tackle the patio, clean up the back porch, and do a bit more trimming around the house. I also need to attend to the kitchen drainage line, which will be a rather funky task. I need to think of how and where I am relocating the clothesline.

The kids seem to be adjusting to the “no screen summer” thing that Ashlee and I are trying to enforce. Well, the two youngest, anyway; Violet, of course, is still burying her face in pixels in her room. Dean and Rhiannon have been playing a bit more with toys and such around the house and yard. It’s only been a few days, however; the true test begins today, with Ashlee and I returning to work. I guess the real test, though, begins tomorrow–now that I think of it–as tomorrow will be Ashlee’s first day of attempting to find sleep after having put in a night’s work.

It’s about time to leave for work. The majority of my morning fogginess has gone away, and my body is moving and operating at a much better level than it first was when I woke. The sinus and muscle pain I’d felt is nearly gone, as well.

I still don’t want to go to work.

Saturday, May 30, 2026

I’m waking up later than I intended to this morning, which is on par with what has already taken place thus far, this weekend; I am, however, up and moving a bit earlier than yesterday.

Yesterday didn’t quite go as planned, with my waking so late–and then the mower crapping out on me.Β We bought another old mower, thanks to the one we had dying.

Ugh. I’m still too foggy to write.

Dean is rocking out to “Burning Down the House”.

Rhiannon is eating raisin bran.

I have no idea what Violet is doing.

Nivea is supplying Dean with the tunes; she’s in bed with her phone, while Dean is in the kitchen with a Bluetooth speaker.

Ashlee is still sleeping.

I need to finish waking up and get moving. There’s still so much stuff to do.

Thursday, May 28, 2026

I sat down to start my morning journaling, and remembered that I have the server turned off; so, here’s another entry I’m saving in my gmail.

I woke up a little late this morning and had a slow start to getting myself ready for work. I was up a bit late last night, working on my truck. The truck had broken a belt on the way to work the other morning, so I had to leave it there until I was able to source a new one. Picked up the belt last night and rode to Georgetown with Ashlee. The repairs were more complicated than they should’ve been, thanks to me going by the recommended size, rather than measuring the belt that I’d had on the truck. Apparently there’s a pulley that’s a bit larger than what was standard on the thing, so the belt was smaller than what I would’ve liked, but it was still large enough to fit, once I figured out how to fight it on there.
I really don’t wanna go to work.

[Diarium] Wednesday, May 27, 2026

πŸ—“οΈ Wednesday, May 27, 2026 07:52

I started a WordPress entry this morning, but the server is being a bitch, so I saved that entry as a draft in my Gmail. Maybe I can publish it later? 🀷

Now I’m sitting at the table swiping away at this phone screen, thinking about how much I prefer the tactile touch of keypresses for writing things out. To me, there’s just no sense of realness or true defined intent or something in using the touch interface of a phone or tablet. It just feels like it’s somehow less genuine or almost fake.

My mind is trying to wander off into the ever-growing list of things that I need to do around the house. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day, the week, etc. And then I switch off and think of how I could utilize my time better, by doing those things, rather than sitting here and writing.

I’ve about another 5-10 minutes available, before I need to head out the door.

I should just head out the door.

Monday, May 25, 2026

I, unfortunately, overslept this morning, so I don’t have really any time to write anything. And I never found time to do any writing last night. Whenever I get a chance to revisit my thoughts from the night before things are going to be fuzzy in detail or not feeling quite as important. That sucks.

So, today is Memorial Day. I have thoughts that I could write about that, too, if I only had time.

Ashlee said she’s like 98% certain that she’s going to turn down the Seasonal Team Lead position if it gets offered. The biggest part of that decision, she says, comes from the thought of how nice it is that we finally have days that mesh, and that those days are weekend days–so not only are her and I able to spend time together, but we can spend time together as a family on days that are typically set aside for family activities.

The clock is telling me I should get ready to move, and I’m like, “I still haven’t had my second cup of coffee, yet.”

[Diarium] Sunday, May 24, 2026

πŸ—“οΈ Sunday, May 24, 2026 16:04
πŸŒ” Waxing gibbous

This depressive funk is killing me. I would almost want to be medicated. I can’t seem to get out of it. And though these words don’t show it, I’m singing all this in my head as I’m typing it out. I fucking hate my weird assed mind and sometimes wish I would die.

Ugh. Okay. Stop singing.

I hate this place. I wish I could find a better job. Damnit. Started singing again. I dunno. Maybe that’s a good sign. Maybe I am about to go manic again. Didn’t last long last time. Like two days.

I really need to get over this funk. Been smoking heavier, which has been giving me migraines and, of course, making it a lot more fun to breathe.

Only about 45 more minutes of this BS.

Then I go home, see my Ashlee, get happy for a little bit, watch her leave, and spiral back into my pit of despair. Yay.

[Diarium] Saturday, May 23, 2026

πŸ—“οΈ Saturday, May 23, 2026 20:18

I really don’t fully understand why I’m depressed.

I mean, I do.

But, I don’t.

Right now, at this moment, my depression is being fed by realizing that I go to work tomorrow, and then it’s another five days until I get to spend meaningful time with Ashlee. At least, I would hope it would be meaningful. And that’s not too so that we don’t spend meaningful time together throughout the week, when we’re together. I mean that it’ll be a week until we spend a larger amount of time together, instead of maybe an interrupted hour each day.