Thursday, May 28, 2026

I sat down to start my morning journaling, and remembered that I have the server turned off; so, here’s another entry I’m saving in my gmail.

I woke up a little late this morning and had a slow start to getting myself ready for work. I was up a bit late last night, working on my truck. The truck had broken a belt on the way to work the other morning, so I had to leave it there until I was able to source a new one. Picked up the belt last night and rode to Georgetown with Ashlee. The repairs were more complicated than they should’ve been, thanks to me going by the recommended size, rather than measuring the belt that I’d had on the truck. Apparently there’s a pulley that’s a bit larger than what was standard on the thing, so the belt was smaller than what I would’ve liked, but it was still large enough to fit, once I figured out how to fight it on there.
I really don’t wanna go to work.

[Diarium] Wednesday, May 27, 2026

🗓️ Wednesday, May 27, 2026 07:52
🌔 Waxing gibbous

I started a WordPress entry this morning, but the server is being a bitch, so I saved that entry as a draft in my Gmail. Maybe I can publish it later? 🤷

Now I’m sitting at the table swiping away at this phone screen, thinking about how much I prefer the tactile touch of keypresses for writing things out. To me, there’s just no sense of realness or true defined intent or something in using the touch interface of a phone or tablet. It just feels like it’s somehow less genuine or almost fake.

My mind is trying to wander off into the ever-growing list of things that I need to do around the house. There just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day, the week, etc. And then I switch off and think of how I could utilize my time better, by doing those things, rather than sitting here and writing.

I’ve about another 5-10 minutes available, before I need to head out the door.

I should just head out the door.

Monday, May 25, 2026

I, unfortunately, overslept this morning, so I don’t have really any time to write anything. And I never found time to do any writing last night. Whenever I get a chance to revisit my thoughts from the night before things are going to be fuzzy in detail or not feeling quite as important. That sucks.

So, today is Memorial Day. I have thoughts that I could write about that, too, if I only had time.

Ashlee said she’s like 98% certain that she’s going to turn down the Seasonal Team Lead position if it gets offered. The biggest part of that decision, she says, comes from the thought of how nice it is that we finally have days that mesh, and that those days are weekend days–so not only are her and I able to spend time together, but we can spend time together as a family on days that are typically set aside for family activities.

The clock is telling me I should get ready to move, and I’m like, “I still haven’t had my second cup of coffee, yet.”

[Diarium] Sunday, May 24, 2026

🗓️ Sunday, May 24, 2026 16:04
🌔 Waxing gibbous

This depressive funk is killing me. I would almost want to be medicated. I can’t seem to get out of it. And though these words don’t show it, I’m singing all this in my head as I’m typing it out. I fucking hate my weird assed mind and sometimes wish I would die.

Ugh. Okay. Stop singing.

I hate this place. I wish I could find a better job. Damnit. Started singing again. I dunno. Maybe that’s a good sign. Maybe I am about to go manic again. Didn’t last long last time. Like two days.

I really need to get over this funk. Been smoking heavier, which has been giving me migraines and, of course, making it a lot more fun to breathe.

Only about 45 more minutes of this BS.

Then I go home, see my Ashlee, get happy for a little bit, watch her leave, and spiral back into my pit of despair. Yay.

[Diarium] Saturday, May 23, 2026

🗓️ Saturday, May 23, 2026 20:18
🌓 First quarter

I really don’t fully understand why I’m depressed.

I mean, I do.

But, I don’t.

Right now, at this moment, my depression is being fed by realizing that I go to work tomorrow, and then it’s another five days until I get to spend meaningful time with Ashlee. At least, I would hope it would be meaningful. And that’s not too so that we don’t spend meaningful time together throughout the week, when we’re together. I mean that it’ll be a week until we spend a larger amount of time together, instead of maybe an interrupted hour each day.