I hate what I’ve become. I think. Maybe it’s that I hate what I am becoming. Or maybe it’s… I really don’t know what it is, actually. There’s just something about me that I don’t really care for, and I really can’t tell if it is me or is what I am turning out to be, or…

I’m finding it harder and harder to keep my mouth shut and keep my thoughts to myself, and I’m starting to question whether that is a good thing or not. There was a time where I was very withdrawn. I still am, but…

For quite some time now I’ve blogged (more in the fashion of microblogging since I discovered twitter) all the thoughts that I’ve wanted to share with anyone who’d listen. Doing so has been very empowering. I’ve felt a little more comfortable in my skin since I started publishing everything from how many cups of coffee I drank in a day, to what made me curl up into a ball and cry. I’ve felt more human. Until recently.

I am becoming a monster.

I’m finding more things that irritate me these days, and I am finding it more difficult to filter my thoughts–to know when to keep that certain feeling to myself or hidden away from others. This bothers me.

Earlier today I saw a quick blurb an acquaintance I have (be)friended on facebook, and it just rubbed me the wrong way. I really don’t know why it bothered me so much either. And, I guess that it wasn’t limited to the one blurb, but the comments that started to surround it as well. It was all innocent, wasn’t it? Just someone expressing their feelings on a matter, something that I do fairly frequently–something I’m doing at this moment. So, where’s the harm? Why did my feathers get ruffled?

The person had written about how they had received an email message from another giving rumor to a major soft-drink manufacturer printing the Pledge of Allegiance on their soda cans with the “under God” portion removed (a rumor which is more than four years old, I believe). The person continued to say something to the affect that they were enraged that a major American company would withdraw those two words in order to “keep from offending,” as the rumor stated, persons holding other religious beliefs.

I’m still trying to figure out why I drew offense from hers. My feelings might come from a statement she made equating to the United States being a “Christian” nation and that those who do not like it could “get out”. Maybe I didn’t quite like her views because in my reading I felt that it was somewhat implied that anyone who did not fit her faith should leave the country. And, of course, there were a slew of comments attached from her following with their variants of praise.

All the while I couldn’t help but think of how I had been taught that our nation, while based on “Christian values”–loose morals that are pretty much accepted by most major religions–was settled by people fleeing from a land where they were told how to worship. Wouldn’t her statement be akin to her bellowing that we must all give praise to God? Isn’t that (loosely, granted) telling us how we should worship? Ordering me to pray to God and not letting me feel free to practice Pastafarianism?

And what about this nation’s original inhabitants, those who are natives to this land, what about their religious freedoms? If any group of people should have any right to cry for the removal of those not sharing their beliefs I would think the remaining Native American tribes should have that honor. Oh, wait… Christianity became a major Native American religion due to the various missionary efforts in our nations history.

I don’t know. The whole thing just bugged me… And I wanted to let it be known.

I came close to responding to that blurb and line of comments. Somehow, and thankfully so, I refrained. Then, I found another blurb generated by a status shuffler which begged me to make a snarky comment. Again, I managed to refrain.

It’s this sort of thing that has been bothering me. My desire to inject or attach my opinion to the conversation