i am angry. or at least i was. now i am more upset than angry. i’m calming down.

diana doesn’t understand why i am angry. or was angry, as the case is now. the kids were treated for a day of fun by taron’s first-grade teacher. not a big deal, really. i was okay with them going out, even though i really don’t like them being taken all over the place by someone who is still a complete stranger to me. i guess that’s one thing that eats at me.

i don’t know his former teacher, and she doesn’t know me for that matter. she doesn’t know any of us, really. i guess that eats at me more.

last year diana and i separated. diana was effectively a single mother for the time that i was away. things were difficult to handle for her at home. her children were suffering the loss of their father. she was suffering the loss of the children’s primary caregiver. this is what taron’s teacher knows.

the children were, in some way, now in a disadvantaged situation. this is what taron’s teacher knows.

over the course of that year, taron and nivea has been involved with that teacher. she’s given them gifts. she’s taken them to extra-curricular activities. she’s been trying to give the children what she thought they were missing. i guess that irritates me as well. our children are not disadvantaged. our children do not need the charity that she is giving. our children have everything that this woman is trying to give. and i guess that irritates me.

the other day the children were invited to a church related event which was, in essence, a way to solicit more participants for their upcoming vacation bible school. yes, this was one of the major points for the event, but i knew that it wasn’t really the main reason. the event took place at the "old soccer field" on riggs avenue, just below the housing district. any fool should be able to recognize that the event was scheduled and placed in a location that would be a benefit to the "needy". these were my thoughts. my thoughts were proven correct when diana and i went to pick up the kids. when i arrived to the event i noticed that there was a relatively small group of cars, and a large group of people. i noticed that there were children walking to and from the area from the housing units just above the field. i saw old used toys and other miscellaneous children’s items being passed around to the kids in attendance. this was a charity event for the attendees.

things such as this have been going on now for a year. and it’s been bothering me for some time.

when the children were on their way home from swimming at the teacher’s private pool, they were taken to mcdonalds. half of the pork spareribs which i had cooked for dinner went to waste. this irritated me greatly. my children were returned home late, and had been fed a supper of cheeseburgers and fries when i had planned a meal and had the grandest portion already complete. this irritated me to no end.

not only had the children been returned with fast-food in hand, but taron had been returned with a movie from her library–one that we have in ours. my children are continuing to receive charity and to be treated as if they are in dire need of said charity. and it is interfering with our family. and it PISSES ME OFF.

how can i continue to make strides with the family when the family is continuing to be split apart? how can i help to have diana play a more active role in the children’s lives when others are wanting to take them places for fun–when she and i should be doing those things?