…just another random person's thoughts & digressions.
I had to run to the school to drop something off for Violet, and got the opportunity to overhear a technical issue being had by someone in the office…
…that led to me mulling it over, and eventually looking up a possible solution and forwarding it via email once I got home. That somehow led me to heading over to the school’s technology blog, where I read the latest post, which asks, “How do you use the Internet?”
…and that led me to thinking of this [NSFW, btw…]:
…a pack of Captain’s Wafers left on the dining room table led me to remembering this:
…which led me to discovering this via a comment:
…which made me think of another Southern Culture on the Skids song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=smplOTMkWPk
…which led me to another SCotS favorite:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ql0Hh90WHv0
…which was used in an episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch; unfortunately, I can’t find an “original” copy of that episode online. 🙁 All the episodes I’ve found online are the syndicated/DVD releases, which have had the music changed. Darned royalty crap. (The episode was “Witch Trash”–Season 2, Episode 9; the song was used in the montage piece around the 16min mark.)
EDIT: May 9, 2023 – I can’t remember what video was supposed to be in the section I just struck-through… Unfortunately, the video referenced no longer exists.
I really should write more…
It’s been way too long since I’ve written anything…
So much has happened…
So much has changed…
So many thoughts exist…
Not a word has been shared…
…sigh.
While I was busy writing the previous post, a message came to my inbox among a slough of others. Somehow, the message didn’t trip my “Important” filters–oh, how I wish it had. So, I continued to write and relive the experience of yesterday in my mind, wondering if I’d hear back–wondering if I’d have a dream come true…
…well, it did!
A little over a half-hour ago, I received an offer for employment with the aforementioned business. Of course, I accepted it… 😉
I just can’t believe it!
…guess I’d better go and set my email filters to flag everything from their domain as important, now!
So, I interviewed for a dream job yesterday… knowing my luck, just saying this is enough to jinx it… 😛
I’d have to say the interview was the most awesome experience that I’ve had in my life–coming close to rivaling becoming a father! (Well, maybe not that close, but you get the idea.)
I don’t know; it’s kind of hard to try and think of words to describe how great it felt. With most interviews–even the ones that lead to asking someone if they’d like fries with their order–I end up feeling a bit nervous and apprehensive. For this interview, I felt rather calm and comfortable; about the only thing I did feel–and think I hid somewhat well–was a sense of wonder and disbelief that I was actually being seen by a business and industry that I’ve always had an interest in and fascination with. I have to admit that I did let some of my goofy enthusiasm and awe slip at the end of the session just before I left the office of the boss; out of nowhere, my inner child just had to speak up and say that he’d always dreamed of being a part of that organization. It was slightly embarrassing, but true.
I walked through the door and was greeted by the initial interviewer–the gentleman that would be my immediate superior. At that moment I felt so comfortable and welcome–and it felt so genuine, as well. If either of the guys end up discovering this silly little post, please take this bit of advice away–don’t ever change that; the mix of professionalism and “family” or “fraternal” openness that you exude is just so perfect and inviting. After the nice introduction, I was taken back to a separate room where I was introduced with some greater detail to what position I was applying for, and what further opportunities could be made available while being in their employ. Conversation also went into some of the duties and responsibilities that I have in other areas of my life, questioning whether there would ever be conflict between the two; that was an interesting little piece of the interview that I’d never experienced before, either. With other potential employers, most don’t seem to care about conflict and simply assume that they will always be number one, period. In this instance, I was asked if my other responsibilities would have to take precedence, or whether I would be able to manage them from their operations. I explained that my other responsibilities are mainly done in the background, and that the likelihood of conflict was extremely low.
Following this portion of the interview, I was given a tour of the facilities and introduced to the equipment, as well as two other employees. As far as the tour, things were pretty much as I expected–I’d taken a “virtual” tour of the location some time ago, as well as a tour of a former incarnation of the business many years ago. Having interest in the industry that the business operates also allowed for the tour to be near expectations as I’ve seen much of the equipment–or pieces like it–in magazines, catalogs and the like. Honestly, I saw a piece of equipment that I might have sold to them when I was employed at the local RadioShack!
After the tour, I sat for a very brief period to wait for the boss. Not once did I get nervous! And the interview with him went quite well. I don’t recall stammering or using any space-fillers in my speaking with him; everything just seemed to flow. What’s more, when it came time for the inevitable Q&A session, most of my questions leaned toward the business–essentially, I tried to “talk shop” with him–and that, too, came quite easily.
After a total of nearly 45 minutes, I walked away, feeling quite confident and sure of myself–something that I’ve never really felt in an interview before.
“Things will get better.”
“It will be okay.”
“It’s hard, but you’ll pull through.”
“These things happen.”
“It just takes time.”
These words–we’ve heard them all before; all intended as some soothing comfort for a variety of circumstances that have led to bringing a person down. The words don’t mean much, and rarely, if ever, are they truly effective in making one feel better about a situation; still, it is nice to hear them on occasion. After a certain period of time, however, they too can become as painful as the event which has turned the troubled individual’s world upside down.
That’s where I’m at.
Each time that I hear these phrases or something akin, a dull, heated awl pierces my skin and plunges deep into my heart. Though it may have been a syringe of atropine that Nick Cage’s character injected into his own heart in order to save himself in “The Rock”, my mind’s eye paints a very similar scene; lying on the floor, convulsing, writhing in agony, and forcing something so unnatural into my chest.
I don’t know.
It’s been 87 days since my former wife and I separated; 14 days since I was divorced.
It’s been roughly 75 days since I began talking to someone, and seeing them as a potential light in my life. It’s been 38 days since I lost that someone, because I chose to help my children’s mother after her boyfriend attacked her.
It’s been 64 days since I was advised to fling poo at my ex’s door. I was also advised to try to go ahead and move on and find new love; the following day I began to express a deeper interest in that someone I eventually lost 15 days later.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4QuowOoJqZw&t=26m15s (my call begins at 26:15)
It’s been 7 hours and 15 days since someone took their love away from Prince.
I don’t know.
I’m finding it hard to believe that I might find someone after this. After all of this. I’m struggling to see that things will be better for me in life and love, honestly. It’s just very difficult.
…and to top it off, I’m to think of it as “pure joy” in trying to move through all this, as the testing of my abilities will make me persevere. (paraphrase of James 1:2-3)
I’m trying to persevere…
…but there’s nothing about it that I find joyful.
My wife, Diana, and I are no longer together. I’ve no idea where to begin…
I suppose I shouldn’t call Diana my wife, as she will no longer be wearing that title–but what else could I have said to properly introduce you without an instant element of shock? Soon-to-be-ex-wife? Though this might be a bit painful, and though I might secretly wish ill of her at certain moments–as anyone in my position might do; I don’t really wish to speak ill of her–at least not in a public forum.
Facts, however, are undeniable–and though our fair Commonwealth holds itself as a “no fault” state–people do have the need and desire to know “what happened”. But first…
Vaguely, I remember the morning that I saw a new face ascend the steps of the school bus on a muggy morn, laced in dew and light fog. She seemed cold and hardened–by what I did not know–yet, I could see in her steely eyes that there was a passionate being, desperately crying to discover a life much better. The girl proceeded down the aisle, and sat beside me–as mine was the only occupied by me. I didn’t fully know it at the time, but still, this feeling came over me that this girl would become an important part of my life. A year or so later, that girl, Diana, entered my life once more.
Memories fail me at this moment as to precisely when, but I recall one evening hearing the phone ring, and it being announced that the call was for me–and it was a girl! Somehow, Diana had managed to discover the number to the family home, and took it upon herself to telephone me. This simple call led to years of talking with her over the phone–sometimes pleasant, other times not-so-pleasant–and occasionally, downright annoying. Diana expressed an interest in me–and, despite her stalker-like tendencies–I was developing an interest in her; friendship–or something akin–grew. She expressed her love and desire for me; I attempted to remain distant, as I couldn’t quite get over the frequency to which she called–she clung to me, gripped me, and tried to hold me as her own, though we weren’t a couple.
Diana had chased after me–quite literally–throughout our remaining years at Harrison County High School; yet, I never let her in or that close to me, until one night…
Each year, the cadets of the Kentucky 51st AFJROTC are treated to a “Military Ball”–a formal dance, where the men present themselves in full uniform and the ladies wear their best gowns and evening attire. I’m uncertain as to whether the 51st still holds the event, and if so, where it takes place today; in my days as a cadet, however, the event took place in the clubhouse of the Cynthiana Country Club. The venue–though small–seemed vast and expansive for someone like me. The dimly lit room, filled with smiling faces, surrounded by an exterior painted in the darkness of the evening–huge, lumbering trees proudly standing outside aided in developing this feeling that we were all in our own little world. Toward the end of the evening, Diana approached me, and we began to speak of her future–this was her last year at school; somewhere in the mix–I’m fairly certain–came talk of how she dreamed to find that special someone. Diana grew more comfortable, and drew nearer to me; I began to realize how uncomfortable my jacket and tie were… the DJ announced the last dance.
I cannot remember the music–I don’t recall it’s melody or whether there were lyrics to accompany it–but I do remember sharing that dance with her, and how she suddenly seemed to be the most beautiful woman in the room. We moved slowly. Held each other closely. Her eyes sparkled, glistened, twinkled and shone brighter than the light reflecting off the gown that covered her increasingly luscious frame. I could feel the heat of her body, radiating from her abdomen, penetrating the fabric that separated us. I began to wonder whether this feeling I was developing was love… We shared a moment that seemed to last an eternity; suddenly, the song ended, and I was overcome by an ice-cold shockwave of fear and confusion. I ran.
Years passed; Diana moved away. Soon, I discovered that she’d married. When she’d returned to visit her family, I was invited to meet her and her husband. Strangely, I felt a combined feeling of happiness and sadness. I had been overjoyed to discover that this dear friend had found love; the sadness felt, I can’t quite explain… months later, Diana began to telephone again, as her marriage had now fallen apart and dissolved–it seemed that Prince Charming was deeply flawed, and would much rather share his time with another woman in their bed.
Time passed, and our communiques fell to the wayside; our paths did not cross again until shortly after she returned to Cynthiana. Unfortunately, by the time I discovered her return, I’d learned she’d committed to someone else and was with child. The same joyful sadness visited me–though this time I was able to place a finger on the element of melancholy; a dear friend that had been so close to me had found love, and I was still searching. We reconnected as friends, again, and once more I became a shoulder to cry on. A year or two later, I was there when her world collapsed. Eventually, this close friendship developed into a relationship; soon after, marriage.
Eleven years of my life have–ten in marriage–have been spent with Diana. Over that period, we’ve had numerous ups and downs many of which you may know–and from my understanding, as I continue to hear from numerous friends, acquaintances, and strangers–many of you know too well. The past two weeks have shown me that there is no such thing as a secret or a private life–and, to be honest, it frightens me that people have learned so much, and how accurate some rumors can be.
Presently, Diana and I are separated; papers have been filed for divorce. To the best of my knowledge, she plans to wed in July–or when the divorce is finalized, whichever allows; this much I treat as fact and common knowledge, as she’s shared this with the children. The children and I continue to live in our home, and are dealing with this situation as best we can; we’ve received a great amount of emotional support and some additional support from the community and are very grateful. I’m attempting to locate employment, as I need to be able to support our family.
As for my feelings, I cannot truly say that I am “happy” as a void has been opened in my life; I can, however, say that I am dealing with the change fairly well, and feel slightly optimistic about my future. I’d be lying, however, if I said that I didn’t wish that I’d awaken to find that these past few weeks have been a very detailed nightmare.
As for Diana, I cannot say anything more than she states that she’s the happiest she’s been in life.
I do hope that this time is real for Diana, and pray that she’s finally found the love, security, and companionship she’s been searching for.
Maybe, someday, I’ll find mine…
—
I originally began writing this post on April 30–ten days following the day she left. I did not finish writing/revisit the post until today, May 9, 2014.
If you’re not in the know, I’ve been tinkering with writing a little story…
I’m not gonna tell you what, exactly, I’m trying to write–though the title of this post should give you an idea. (…and, no, that’s not the title–heck, my working title for it is Untitled #1; and, sorry to disappoint a few, it isn’t a BDSM fantasy, either…)
So far, I’ve written the tale in fragmented pieces; an odd way of going about it–a method that would undoubtedly make many of my former English/Literature teachers cringe. I’m hoping that I’ll soon be able to stitch the thing together; but until I fully develop my characters and the plot, it will have to remain a disjointed mess. Fortunately, I do have the main idea, most of the conflict and a general idea of the resolution in mind.
Currently, the total word count of my separate pieces places the work in the novelette category, with 15,027 words; just a few thousand more, and I’ll be entering novella country! I’m hoping that I can get the thing knocking on the novel-length door… (well, at least NaNoWriMo novel length–I know others think novel status comes at twice that length!)
…in other-somewhat-related-news…
I stumbled across a hilariously scathing review of Fifty on Goodreads, and am now going through the reviewer’s history to get ideas of what she–and others–may think of what I’m writing. While that reviewer is not going to be my target audience, I want to–at the very least–be able to get someone like her to read the entire thing through. (I don’t necessarily want to try and please everyone–I know I won’t; I’d like to give just enough to make someone want to hold their commitment to reading it–even if it turns out to be the worst piece of literary tripe imaginable.)
I’ll also be looking into what books worked for that reviewer–and for reviewers that gave similar marks…
…this should be a fun little journey…
I see your problem, and hope a fix can come soon to make the Affordable Care Act (Sorry–I hate the “Obamacare” nick) more balanced…
…but I hate seeing so many complain without noticing that–hey–it is working for some; and for once–I’m one of those that’s not getting screwed!
The measures that were put in play with the Act have already helped my family quite a bit. We’re now pocketing roughly $275 a month because we qualified for Medicaid–which is absolutely awesome considering we lost out on SNAP benefits beginning in October of this past year.
…does it work, and is it helping citizens? Yes.
…is it working to help everyone? No.
…will it ever work in an ideal fashion for everyone? Potentially.
…will it as it currently stands? No–has there ever been a piece of legislation to work right out of the gate without revision?
Is it fair for you to be “paying” for everyone? You were already, if you think about it–and have been for a while, just in a different fashion. We’ve had taxes in place for supporting elements of healthcare since the 60s–and other forms of welfare since the 30s.
For the portion that you have paid in under these forms, I say thank you–my children and I have been able to live relatively happy and healthy lives due to your help. I’d like to believe that you’d wish to give this help freely of your own will–just as you’d toss a buck or two in the plate as it’s passed around… but, sadly, there’s just too many people across the nation that have that “screw you–I’m thinking about myself” mentality, thus requiring us to institute a mandate to be human.
If you didn’t know, nearly all of my blog posts originate from my home computer…
“Duh,” you might say, while thinking, “where else would you be writing the posts from.”
…no, I don’t just mean that I write them at home–I serve them from home as well; or, at least I used to…
Several years ago, I had installed XAMPP on our main PC and opened up the ports on the firewalls, so that I could run my own self-hosted installation of WordPress. (There were other reasons behind my creating a server–one was using a script to do automated posts to the @harrisonema twitter account; I had previously been running this script on the EMA’s host, but they threatened to shut me down because of resource abuse. Funny, I ran the script on an old Windows machine and never had any problems!)
…anyway, I began to write and auto-generate content from my home-server, and had it send out my posts to other connected blogging services–that’s how this post now appears on WordPress.com and LiveJournal. Neat, huh? (Yeah, I know, not really…)
Recently, I’ve been having more and more traffic hit the “server”, causing tons of problems with the connection to our ISP. Though I enjoy the thought of receiving a ton of traffic, it becomes a pain when the episode of Star Trek you’re watching keeps having to rebuffer.
So, later on tonight, I’m going to shut down my server’s connection to the outside world. 🙁
If you’re one of they few that actually read this blog or visit my dyndns.org address, this may have an impact on you. How? Well, first, I’m only planning on writing at WordPress.com; this means that none of my posts will be shared at LiveJournal, Blogger, etc. Secondly, if you’ve been one of the few that were granted access to resources hosted on my home-server, you’re not going to be able to reach them anymore–this includes family photos, books, etc. Sorry.
Certain links to media embedded in previous posts may disappear–I’m not 100% certain on this… Many of the pictures that I’ve included in my posts are being hosted at WordPress thanks to the “Photon” portion of the JetPack plugin I have in use on my home server. Where the originating address will no longer work, WordPress may decide to perform “clean-up” and remove the media from their servers…
…sigh…
If you’d like to continue to read my ramblings, head on over to kg4vma.wordpress.com–I plan on publishing all future posts there…
…as for friends and followers on Facebook, Twitter and Google+; I plan on having WordPress push status updates for my posts from kg4vma.wordpress.com…
…well, I guess that’s it for now. Hope to see you over at WordPress!