[Diarium] Wednesday, October 9, 2024

Wednesday, October 9, 2024

Tired.

When I got home this morning I completely crashed. Went directly to the bed, still fully dressed, and just collapsed. At some point Ashlee woke me enough to undress me. I didn’t awaken until 15:30.

I still feel tired. Several joints and muscles ache. It’s terrible. I don’t think I’ve felt this drained in a while, and haven’t felt quite this drained since I started working here. I guess it’s all finally *really* catching up to me.

I need rest. Good rest. And there’s not really any in sight.

On the financial front, I think I’ve got a better picture of what’s going on. Unless I’m mistaken, I think I heard Ashlee say that I kinda need to keep working for a couple years. While my pay is helping to work on things, it’s not quite at the pace I would hope it would be; I’m helping us stay afloat more than putting towards paying things off. I guess it doesn’t help that we’ve had a few odd surprise expenses pop up that have contributed to increasing our debt slightly.

I dunno. I’m tired.

I hope I can rest soon. I hope debts can be settled soon.

Lunar phase: 🌒 Waxing crescent

[Diarium] Tuesday, October 8, 2024

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

I’m tired.

Watched channel 9 Orlando before work to get a little bit of a feel for the hurricane that’s headed that way. Sent a message to my sister telling her I loved her.

Ugh. I’m tired. I wanna go home. I wanna sleep. Recurring theme, I know.

Seriously, though. I have a huge disliking for this overnight work. Still haven’t figured out any sort of fix for it. Not sure if there is one. Guess I should just do my best to get used to it.

Not really much more I can say. That’s kind of frustrating and depressing, too–the inability to come up with more to say on that or any topic. Just “almost existing” is about all I can say I’m doing right now; which sounds a lot worse than it actually is. I love my home and my family and everything. I’m just not really doing a lot with them or interacting with hardly anything. I’m just, here. Trying to stay alive. Trying to hold out for the day when I can enjoy everything again.

I miss my home and family. I miss the life I had before going back to work.

Lunar phase: 🌒 Waxing crescent

[Diarium] Sunday, October 6, 2024

Sunday, October 6, 2024

I’m tired. I wanna be at home in bed. But I gotta work.

I really wish I could figure out something else I could do to take care of our financial needs. Working overnight sucks.

But I gotta do what I gotta do.

Hopefully all this is only temporary, and I can be home with the family again.

God, I hope so.

Lunar phase: 🌒 Waxing crescent

[Diarium] Saturday, October 5, 2024

Saturday, October 5, 2024

Just sat down at work. Feeling a bit jittery. And on the way here had a migraine come on, so part of my vision is blurred. Ugh.

I hate this. Working.

I mean, I really don’t hate working. What I hate is that I have to work here at night. It doesn’t seem like it’s really being that beneficial to us. It’s complicated our lives a bit, and seems to be just adding more stress than anything else. I think there’s been a little bit of help financially, but not quite as much as we’ve hoped. And part of what I feel comes from where I’ve been eating a decent chunk of my pay at work. I’ve been spending nearly $10 or more a day on food. So that’s fifty to sixty bucks disappearing from what I should be bringing home. And then my smoking has increased related to me trying my best to stay awake during the mornings to watch Dean.

I dunno.

I wish there was something that I could do that wouldn’t have such a terrible time at home.

Lunar phase: 🌒 Waxing crescent

[Diarium] Tuesday, October 1, 2024

Tuesday, October 1, 2024

Looks like I need to figure out how to buy a jack and a few parts in the morning and work on Ashlee’s truck after I get home from work.

I’m not too excited about it, but it is what it is, as they say.

Violet needs to show me how she does those time delayed text messages of hers.

Lunar phase: 🌘 Waning crescent