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EDMG340 Week 2 Forum

Does the fact that there is no universal definition allow for confusion, shifting definition resultant of political expedience and /or opportunities for terrorists to exploit?

In my own opinion, about the only thing that “terrorists” of various walks, communities, organizations, etc., are capable of exploiting are the laws of whatever governing body reigns over the land in which the terrorist act occurs; this being made possible by the wide range of definitions for terrorism, and the difficulties associated with trying to create a singular definition. Further complications may also arise when the threat is one of an international body—i.e. al-Queda, or the “Islamic State”—as opposed to a country.

With regard to persons or groups committing acts of terrorism and their ability to exploit local laws, we might easily make example of “hate-groups” in the United States, such as the Ku Klux Klan, neo-Nazis, and even the Woodsboro Baptist Church—okay, the latter may be a stretch, but is it, really? A number of groups in the states have been dubbed terrorist organizations due to their methods of garnering attention to their cause; prosecuting individuals for committing any offenses, however, becomes a sticky issue—is it a “normal” criminal act, a “hate-crime”, or an act of terrorism? What rights do the perpetrators of the act then have in defense to their actions, and what limits are then placed upon sentencing—if a trial were to get that far?

And what about groups like WBC? Sure, the church has not made any violent protests—though it’s surprising that they haven’t managed to incite one worth mentioning—and it’s doubtful that they will, where that level of commitment does outstretch even their radical fundamentalist views; but one cannot deny that they border on terrorism—or would, if anyone took their threats and demonstrations seriously. Still, organizations such as WBC achieve a different level of treatment and protection as a religious organization.  [Threats, you ask? Sure—psychological and ideological threats, mainly; of course, if we decide to tackle the notions of psychological terrorism we can then get into even more sticky topics of bullying, emotional abuse, etc.—but, then, you start to delve into a completely different kettle of fish… But, in our reading, we’ve uncovered that sometimes the psychology of things–that whole “looking for a purpose” thing, leading to a religious convert or rebirth–helps to establish greater causes that beget the definitions of terrorism that we’re trying to discuss here…]

But, to come more to the main point of this discussion, “true” terrorists—those the majority of us think of since the occurrence of 9/11—are fully capable of exploiting legal loopholes in order to continue their battle against whatever society they are waging war against. Laqueur noted that many of those that have been detained in the America and Europe have been released due to the rules of due process, and the greater society’s beliefs in human rights (Laqueur, 2004). How do we combat this?—and do we really want to? Outside of the debates of strengthening controls and a certain population responding by channeling Heston’s “cold, dead hand,” what more is there for us to do? Internment camps—ala WWII-era?—or worse yet; how about mass-murder in the name of national security, like that of Syria in 1980 (Laqueur, 2004)?

Perhaps, it’s not necessarily the lack of a definition of terrorism and the ability to exploit the laws that are a problem, or the exploitation itself. Maybe it’s the issues surrounding the questions that I am raising that are the true exploitation—the fact that the nation is currently questioning what to do next, and so many are in disagreement. The point of terrorism—other than to cause fear or panic to instill a change—is to cause just enough turmoil to start or make way for a revolution.

As for the definitions of terrorism, the only common thread throughout any entity or agency’s definition is violence against a civilian population or government, with intent to further an agenda (AZDEM, 2009). Still, this allows for a very open and varied interpretation by the persons on the giving and receiving end; like Lutz & Lutz pointed out in the beginning of our text: “One person’s freedom fighter is another person’s terrorist” (2011).

Arizona Department of Emergency and Military Affairs. (2009) Various Definitions of Terrorism. Retrieved Dec. 15, 2015 from http://www.azdema.gov/museum/famousbattles/pdf/Terrorism%20Definitions%20072809.pdf

Laqueur, W. (Aug. 1, 2004). Historical The Terrorism to Come. Retrieved Dec. 15, 2015 from http://www.hoover.org/research/terrorism-come

Lutz, J & Lutz, B. (2011). Terrorism the Basics. London: Taylor & Francis Group. Retrieved from http://site.ebrary.com/lib/apus/reader.action?docID=10462767#

 

EDMG340 Week 1 Assignment – Examples of Terroristic Attacks, Methods & Motives

Assignment Instructions
Investigate four terrorist attacks and provide a short paper delineating the methods and motives associated with each of your selected attacks. For each attack, please include one website URL as a reference.

Terrorism has been used in many ways and on many occasions throughout history as a means to further some form or fashion of personal, political or religious agenda. One might find it possible to imagine acts of terrorism having taken place in the extreme early days of human development. Picture some megalomaniacal Neolithic man baiting sites surrounding his tribe, drawing fearsome predatory creatures nearer to his people, in order to aid in his push to overtake or establish leadership; is the thought that far-fetched? And does it honestly differ that greatly from the event that we see in today’s society? This illustration may not fit what we’ve grown accustomed to declaring terrorism; today, terrorism is more “clearly’ defined by the general population as an action against a certain sect of people by extremists subscribing to some form of religious zealotry—much like the Judea’s Zealots of the first century, if certain historical records and theories are held to be true.

For the purposes of this assignment, however, we shall focus on more modern times and events, where the battle has been between those holding ideological and political differences between the “Islamic” and “Christian” communities, as well as the “Christian” and more “secular” divide. The events and actions described hereon are not necessarily representative of the greater communities, to which the perpetrators claim to either be a member or faction of, thus the use of quotes in the preceding sentence, implying merely an “alleged” tie thereto.

As of the time of this writing, the most recent event occurring on United States soil is that of the mass shooting in San Bernardino, California, on December 2, 2015, conducted by a married couple declaring allegiance to the caliphate—the present leader of ISIL, self-proclaimed earthly successor to the Muslim prophet Mohammed, and self-proclaimed leader of Islam (Calamachi 2015; Ryan, 2015). Syed Rizwan Farook and his wife, Tashfeen Malik, conspired to and conducted an attack at a private training event and holiday party at the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, using weapons that had been modified to become fully automatic assault rifles. Farook and Malik had also planted a remotely operated explosive device outside the location that failed to activate or be detonated; it is assumed that the device was planted in order to cause harm to emergency responders upon arrival (Bruton, 2015). In their attack on the center, Farook and Malik killed 14, and injured 17. The couple fled the scene to their apartment, where investigators discovered an arsenal of munitions and plans for future devices and events. Farook and Malik evaded police at their apartment, and led law enforcement on a chase, before stopping the vehicle they were occupying and entering a gunfight with police. The couple was shot to death in said vehicle by authorities (KABC-TV, 2015). Despite declaring their allegiance to the Islamic State, ISIL has not acknowledged any affiliation with the couple, or any plans for what had transpired. As of the present time, the federal government’s investigations have not found valid ties between the couple and ISIL, other than similarities between the IEDs constructed by Farook and Malik and documentation known to be of al-Queda descent or inspiration. Where the event was perpetrated by “radicalized” Islamists, it is viewed as and has been declared an act of domestic terrorism.

A few short weeks prior to the mass shooting in San Bernardino, multiple bombings and shootings took place in the city of Paris, France in an act of retaliation by ISIL against the French government for their involvement in air-strikes in Syria and Iraq (Dalton, 2015). Between the evening hours of November 13 and early hours of November 14, six different locations became sites for nine ISIL affiliated EU nationals. In total, 130 lives were taken—not including seven of the nine perpetrators—and 368 were injured; of those injured, 80-99 were listed as being in critical condition (BBC, 2015), depending upon information sources. As stated, ISIL did declare responsibility for the attacks, and investigators have positively identified 7 of the perps, and have enough evidence to identify and eighth; the eight are known to have been associated with the Islamic State. The ninth suspect, who was killed during the attacks, remains unknown.

Continuing the ISIL threat, and returning to the United States, mention can be made of the first “attack” on American soil by Islamic extremists with ISIL claiming responsibility; on May 3, 2015, two men attempted to wage an attack at an event hosted by the AFDI at the Curtis Culwell Center in Garland, Texas. On said date, when ISIL—known by the then preferred ISIS—had declared jihad and rallied for support in Syria, American citizens Ernest Simpson and Nadir Soofi drove to the Center and opened fire upon a parked police cruiser, occupied by one police officer and security guard. Simpson and Soofi soon had fire returned upon them by other officers and members of Federal law enforcement that were already on scene for security detail. The event which attracted Simpson and Soofi was the unveiling and judging of artwork depicting—and, thus mocking, according to Islamic tradition—the Muslim prophet Mohammed (Hallman, 2015). Simpson and Soofi had been armed with three assault rifles and three handguns. Only one person was injured in the attempted attack—the security guard occupying the cruiser was shot in his ankle. Simpson and Soofi were killed on scene. ISIS declared responsibility of the event; however, Federal investigations have not revealed any evidence of direct involvement or inspiration, and continue to view the event as an act of ill-planned domestic terrorism. Critics view the event as poor attempt at AFDI drawing attention and attempting to incite action; AFDI has been regarded as an anti-Muslim group. Conspiracy theories abound surrounding this event, where the perpetrators had been flagged as potential threats, yet were capable to acquire weaponry legally through a shop known for participating in what became known as the ATF Gunwalking Scandal (Serrano, 2015).

Finally, we return to more recent events with a “true” case of domestic terrorism, and look to the Colorado Springs shootings of November 27, 2015. Robert Lewis Dear, Jr.—known by some for his radical Christian views, views against abortion, and voiced support of the Army of God—armed with a semi-automatic rifle opened fire in the vicinity of and in the Planned Parenthood Westside Health Center (Fausset, 2015). In his attack, Dear took three lives and injured nine. After a five-hour standoff, police breached the front of the health center with an armored vehicle, and captured Dear (Paul, 2015). Dear has maintained that he was the sole conspirator, and has even admitted his guilt in court, though an official guilty plea has not been entered. On at least two occasions Dear has alluded to motivation for his attack having to do with “baby parts”; it has been theorized that Dear is referring to one extremists group’s alleged undercover videos discussing the sale of aborted fetal tissue. Other evidence related to the case has been sealed at the request of the prosecution (Gurman, 2015).

As one can see in the cases above, terrorism can have many faces and occur in varied places. Motivations, methods, planning, skill—and degree of sanity or intelligence—can vary and be as subjective as well. Review of these instances, however, do suggest that the more common instances of terrorism seem to revolve around notions associated with a religious belief system, and that many of the incidents have and may continue to involve indirect or more “impersonal” targets and relatively easily accessible weaponry. This generalization, however, will not continue to hold true as terrorist groups will undoubtedly continue to gain strength and following, as has been seen in other events. Therefore, we must prepare ourselves for a range of possibilities; the question, however, is to what degree or cost.

References

BBC (November 17, 2015.) Paris attacks: Search goes on for missing. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.bbc.com/news/world-europe-34836330

Bruton, F. B.; Lucht, K.; Ortiz, E. (Dec. 2015.) San Bernardino Massacre Suspects Appear to Have Been Radicalized. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/san-bernardino-shooting/san-bernardino-massacre-suspects-appear-have-been-radicalized-n473261

Calamachi, R. (Dec. 5, 2015.) Islamic State Says ‘Soldiers of Caliphate’ Attacked in San Bernardino. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/06/world/middleeast/islamic-state-san-bernardino-massacre.html?_r=0

Dalton, M.; Horobin, Wm.; Varela, T.; Landauro, I. (Nov. 14, 2015.) Seven Militants Led Deadly Paris Attacks. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.wsj.com/articles/paris-attacks-were-an-act-of-war-by-islamic-state-french-president-francois-hollande-says-1447498080

Fausset, R (Dec. 1, 2015.) For Robert Dear, Religion and Rage Before Planned Parenthood Attack. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/12/02/us/robert-dear-planned-parenthood-shooting.html

Gurman, S. (Nov. 30, 2015.) Suspect in Colorado clinic attack will face murder charges. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.miamiherald.com/latest-news/article47206975.html

Hallman, T; Leszynski, R. (May 4, 2015.) Police: Men killed in Garland shooting had assault rifles, body armor. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.dallasnews.com/news/local-news/20150503-breaking-gunfire-reported-at-anti-islam-event-at-garland-isd-facility.ece

KABC-TV (Dec. 2, 2015.) WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT SAN BERNARDINO MASS SHOOTERS SYED FAROOK, TASHFEEN MALIK. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://abc7.com/news/2-suspects-in-san-bernardino-mass-shooting-identified/1107640/

Paul, J.; Steffan, J.; Ingold, J. (Nov. 27, 2015.) Planned Parenthood shooting: 3 killed, including 1 police officer in Colorado Springs. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.denverpost.com/news/ci_29172660/colorado-springs-firefighters-respond-active-shooter-at-planned

Ryan, M.; Goldman, A.; Phillip, A.; Berman, M. (Dec. 8, 2015.) Officials: San Bernardino shooters pledged allegiance to the Islamic State. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/ct-san-bernardino-shooting-20151208-story.html

Serrano, R. (Aug. 1, 2015.) Garland, Texas, shooter bought gun in 2010 during Fast and Furious. Retrieved 12 December 2105 from: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/nationworld/la-na-garland-gun-20150801-story.html#page=1

 

EDMG340 Week 1 Forum – Definition and Scope of Consequence Management

Just because it is a terrible act, is it an act of terrorism? State and support your position.

[NOTE: I’d began to write this response the morning prior to the actual submission; unfortunately family matters arose, leaving me no choice but to turn away from the task. Since that time more events and responses have unfolded on the news—including a threat against a nearby community’s mosque.]

As noted in the course materials and other forum responses, terrorism can be a difficult term to define; throughout most definitions, however, a basic concept evolves as terrorism being an act in which fear is employed at the start or reveals itself as an end result. Frequently, the terrorist acts are taken in resistance to or against some law, practice or ideology; conversely, the element of fear may very well be the trigger of a terroristic act.

In a prior response to this question, I’d suggested that the American Revolutionary War—or certain events taking place prior to and during the period—could easily be seen as terroristic acts on either side of the pond. In particular, I presented a view where I played the role of devil’s advocate, and became a British sympathizer. This view works well the notion that, “One person’s freedom fighter is another person’s terrorist.”

As I sat down to think of a new response to this prompt, I couldn’t help but think of some of our recent events in the states, and the response and attention given to them. One could easily argue that what transpired in San Bernardino was a terrorist act, regardless to whether the couple was acting alone or as free-agents to some radical Islamist group. The couple committed an act which was “terrible” and egregious—one that cost a decent number of lives—and an act which was easily seen as being religiously motivated—practitioners of the Muslim faith waging an attack against persons at a Christmas party. Instead of focusing on the couple and what transpired, however, my thoughts went in a different direction; instead, I have decided to declare Donald J. Trump a terrorist.

As I sat briefly on my couch this morning waiting for the children to finish readying themselves for school, I heard Matt and Savannah discuss Trump’s latest statements, and how he believes that the nation should disallow any and all persons of Muslim faith entry—regardless of whether they are Syrian, or have ties to any IS-variant state. Trump’s comments—as “innocent” as they may be for the time being—do have the potential of being viewed as being terroristic in some nature or fashion, inasmuch as they might be seen as a form of fear-mongering for the purposes of political gain.

Might one be able to say that these loose words are a terrible act? As a matter of opinion, yes, they can, and as was reported in this morning’s news, they are already being seen as such. At this point, we may only be observing a citizen voicing their opinion on a matter; movements have started this way—and have resulted in true terroristic acts in the name of varied gods, countries and political revolutions. Could Trump’s words potentially create an upheaval in American society and spark some sort of movement where homegrown terrorism thrives? Potentially; and if that remark sounds a bit far-fetched, wouldn’t that be something that President Obama did attempt to address when he spoke to the nation this past Sunday evening?

The point I am trying to make in this post—as it may not yet be clear to many—is that an act of terrorism does not even need to be a “terrible act,” but can be as simple as someone putting forth an idea—part of the conclusion Lutz & Lutz drew at the end of the chapter that terrorism is merely a form of psychological warfare. So, to that effect—and to answer the prompt—no, a terrible act isn’t necessarily an act of terrorism, per se. In my original response to the very question, I’d shown that our terrible acts against what had been our mother country turned into what we regard as one of the greatest moments in our history. In this response, I’ve gone off on a siderail, stating how a simple man’s comments can be interpreted as terroristic, and could potentially lead to truer acts of terrorism.

[…and to clarify, yes, I understand that Trump’s response is a reaction to a terroristic event; however, one would be foolish to deny the off-chance that some uneducated zealot may take his words as a call to action and start a movement.]

EDMG340 Forum Introduction

Hello;

I hate the introductory part of class. There. I said it. Right off the bat. And I kind of feel better about myself for doing it.

As you might guess from that opening, I’m not much on proper sentence structure either…

<sarcasm>…wouldn’t my elementary grammar teachers be proud?</sarcasm>

But, seriously…

My name is Jeremiah—but I go by Jeremy to close friends, sometimes Palmer to a rare few, and I’m pretty sure I’ve been called a dozen other more colorful names by my ex-wife. And, yeah, I guess I’ll go ahead and delve into that painful subject, as it is a part of my life—whether I’d like it to be or not.

I’m a divorced, single father of three, struggling to provide as best as I can—which is way less than I’d like to; fortunately, the children recognize my struggles, and they handle it remarkably well, considering the hell that it is.

We’d been a family of five up through Easter of 2014—up until that day when our wife and mother decided to leave us for an old male friend of hers that had just returned to the area the day prior. Yes, I’m still a bit bitter about it, and likely will be for years to come. The only good outcome from that mess was her realization that the children would be much better off at home with me than with her and her new beau—and soon to be fourth ex-husband. I suppose I do get a slight feeling of schadenfruede from that last point… But…

[…I could continue to write at great length on that mess—and how wonderful it would be to vent all of that anger and frustration!—but, really, it’d be rather pointless to do so…]

A few months ago I decided to re-enroll in school, since I’ve not had much success in finding better employment. Presently, I’m working on a part-time basis at a local radio station—WCYN. I was originally hired last year to operate the board during remote broadcasts of a neighboring county’s high school sports events on the FM; since that time I’ve taken on the duties of Saturday and Sunday morning productions on both the AM and FM stations. I often fill-in for some of our local sports remotes when the regular guy isn’t available to run the board—I’m kind of hoping that I might just take his spot, but I digress.

…that’s something else about me—I frequently go off rail and give a little side-note or commentary whenever I am speaking in a more personal manner. I’ve been complimented on this odd ability to briefly leave topic and circle right ‘round to the beginning again; oft-times I’ve left people bewildered as to how I can keep separate, yet connected thoughts straight… but, again, I digress—and in a digression, no less!

My interests in Emergency Management stem from my father—our county’s current EM Director. His involvement in EM can trace back to some of his childhood interests—a few of which may come from his father before him. My grandfather had been a fireman at one point in his life—though I sadly must admit that I’m not aware of his position within the local department; I have, however, seen a picture of him posed on a knee in one of the bays, dressed in the old blue work uniform, holding a rather large teddy for a Toys-for-Tots drive. As for my father, though, I believe it was a combination of his dad’s service interests and an interest in CB radio that helped guide him. My dad eventually became involved in a long since defunct REACT team that had been very active in assisting with Civil Defense efforts in the community. At some point in the ‘90s that REACT’s local president was tapped to become the next Disaster and Emergency Services coordinator—a few short years before DES was rebranded and reorganized as EM. The DES coordinator ended up roping my father into helping him rewrite the EOP, and perform a lot of the clerical duties that were becoming more and more “tech” dependant—and it was here that I started to become pulled into helping a bit.

In the late ‘90s—circa 1997, I think—my dad asked me if I could help figure out how to network a couple of computers, set up a Juno email account, and manage a GeoCities page. Eventually, that background work led to my becoming a deputy with the Cynthiana – Harrison County Emergency Management Agency in the latter part of August ’01. I was very “active” through the first couple of years, up until I was married and my son born in 2004. In the years that followed, my role became less of an active “agent”—lack of a better word—to a digital face in the background while I filled greater duties at home as a house-husband. I ended up establishing myself as the guy charged with creating and maintaining an online presence and interacting with the public on social media—long before that even became a “thing.” Yes, our local agency’s Twitter account and Facebook page pre-dates many of Kentucky’s counties’ accounts/pages—and even KYEM’s!

Unfortunately, turmoil at home caused issue with my abilities to maintain things as regularly as I believed I should, and eventually became a repeated point of argument in my marriage; truth be told, so did earlier attempts at schooling here at APU—which is a grand portion of the reason why I am currently enrolled in this class alone for this eight week period. I am on academic probation thanks to numerous failed attempts at schooling during those final years of my marriage.

Following my divorce, I eventually wrote the most difficult email I’d ever written in my life—I resigned from my duties and involvement from the local EM. This was an especially difficult thing to do, where the person I had to notify was now my father—he’d become the director about a year or two after I had been sworn in as a deputy. Though the message was professional and dry, a hidden subtext that only him and I could see was present; “Dear Dad, I’m a f***-up, and can’t do it anymore…”

Sadder still—to me, anyway, as I know the following I’d built—the agency’s domain and hosting were allowed to expire, and posts to social media are few and far between—and less than timely.

Meanwhile, I’ve continued to hang on as best I can in giving the children as close to a “normal” life as possible, while their mother flits in and out of their lives when it’s convenient for her. Back to the point where I say this is hell.

I’m a thirty-five year-old single (divorced) father, with kids at home, no real job to speak of, an incomplete college education, no “real” experience outside that of being a stay at home dad, and I’ve a crazy ex- that only contributes when it’s convenient. It’s hell.

…but that thing of being a dad—and being the custodial parent on top of everything…

…yeah; there’s still a little slice of heaven in my life.

So, for now, I’m praying that I can find a way to better support the kids. I’m also praying that I might find some better sense of the turns life has taken us, and looking forward to the day that someone will join us on this journey. (Ha!—try dating on top of all this; it’s impossible!)

But, I guess that’s about it for now… If for some reason you’d like to know more, you can find almost anything by google-ing my regular Internet handle—which is also my Ham call: KG4VMA. You’ll find me almost everywhere—though I’m not as active online as I’d once been. You might even find a few old assignments for other classes posted to my blog, if you really get to digging. For those that are really daring and bored, you can try and message me and strike up a conversation, though I can’t guarantee an immediate reply—I’m going to be begging, borrowing and stealing Internet access for another month or so. Well, not stealing—everyone around has finally wised up and is using good wireless encryption these days…

…and if by some miracle you’re a cute girl that’s looking to find a broken dad… lol.

 

 

Anyway, nice to meet you guys. Hope we have some fun in this class.

– Jeremiah Hall Palmer

Untitled Entry for November 29, 2015

[This post was originally authored elsewhere. I’ve since decided to include it here.]

It seems as though the holidays are beginning to take a toll on my emotions–helping to underline my feelings of loneliness.

I know that I can survive through this low point–and that by its end I’ll look back and wonder how I’d let myself grow so melancholy; still, there is no comfort in being aware that this too shall pass.

I wish that I would find someone to help brighten my life.

[Republished March 27, 2016]

It seems as though the holidays are beginning to take a toll on my emotions–helping to underline my feelings of loneliness.

I know that I can survive through this low point–and that by its end I’ll look back and wonder how I’d let myself grow so melancholy; still, there is no comfort in being aware that this too shall pass.

I wish that I would find someone to help brighten my life.

Untitled Entry for October 20, 2015

[This post was originally authored elsewhere. I’ve since decided to include it here.]

I’ve always wondered how much honesty would be too much honesty when it comes to writing about my character or feelings on an online dating site. Writing anything at all is quite the conundrum to begin with—something that can be seen in comparing the contrasting guides and how-to’s discussing how one should fill out those blasted profiles in order to find the perfect match!—but, I digress.

Recently, I began to think about my profile on one site—which has only attracted two women—and started to wonder whether I should try to tweak it, and how to go about doing so. My first thought was to try and be just a bit more honest and upfront—to take some of the mystery away, and to attempt to reassure that I am not another one of those creeps fishing for a “good time.”

“Divorced. Lonely. Depressed. Wishing to change that all, real soon, with your help,” was my first thought; just emblazing the top line of my bio with those words. I couldn’t speak truer words to anyone; surely I’d get someone with that kind of honesty, wouldn’t I? After further thought, however, I had my doubts and figured that despite my efforts in being honest, I’d come off as the pathetic and pitiful creep that nobody would want. Sad, really, because honestly many women are looking for that guy—the one that fits the description that I wrote—but they really don’t want to run into someone who’d say it that way. Though that guy is wanted, those words take on negative connotations.

Divorced. A guy that has known love, sure, but a love that ended somehow… That thought can be attractive—where it’s obvious that the man knows of love well enough to commit—but it brings about  the introduction of several questions: Whose fault was it? Was it mutual? How messy was it? Does that mean that he has a pre-defined type? Will he try to compare relationships? Is there still a connection to the ex-?

It’s easy to see how—despite that one positive note—hearing that a guy is divorced is a scary prospect.

Lonely. Depressed. These two statements kind of go hand in hand; it would make sense that someone that’s feeling lonely would be depressed due to the loneliness. But, then again, one is able to raise question to the degree of the depression and loneliness. Does it mean that he will continue to be depressed a few communiqués in, or will it fade like it should? Does this mean that he will be a little clingy or over-exuberant when he gets a message or call? And if he’s lonely and depressed now, will he feel the same should things not work out?

That last question is a big one for many women; after all, how many women really want to be the cause of a man’s heartache? Not many; and where women typically feel so much more in tune with their emotions and know the pains of heartache themselves, they’d rather skip over the guy showing evidence that he’s in touch with his emotions, simply because they don’t want to hurt him any further.

Wishing to change all that, real soon, with your help. A good reinforcing statement that shows some play and humor—not a whole lot wrong with it—other than it’s a bit cheesy. It shows that the guy wants to find a true connection, but the cheese suggests that it may just be another line. So much for trying to show that I’m not just another one of those guys.

[Republished March 27, 2016]

I’ve always wondered how much honesty would be too much honesty when it comes to writing about my character or feelings on an online dating site. Writing anything at all is quite the conundrum to begin with—something that can be seen in comparing the contrasting guides and how-to’s discussing how one should fill out those blasted profiles in order to find the perfect match!—but, I digress.

Recently, I began to think about my profile on one site—which has only attracted two women—and started to wonder whether I should try to tweak it, and how to go about doing so. My first thought was to try and be just a bit more honest and upfront—to take some of the mystery away, and to attempt to reassure that I am not another one of those creeps fishing for a “good time.”

“Divorced. Lonely. Depressed. Wishing to change that all, real soon, with your help,” was my first thought; just emblazing the top line of my bio with those words. I couldn’t speak truer words to anyone; surely I’d get someone with that kind of honesty, wouldn’t I? After further thought, however, I had my doubts and figured that despite my efforts in being honest, I’d come off as the pathetic and pitiful creep that nobody would want. Sad, really, because honestly many women are looking for that guy—the one that fits the description that I wrote—but they really don’t want to run into someone who’d say it that way. Though that guy is wanted, those words take on negative connotations.

Divorced. A guy that has known love, sure, but a love that ended somehow… That thought can be attractive—where it’s obvious that the man knows of love well enough to commit—but it brings about  the introduction of several questions: Whose fault was it? Was it mutual? How messy was it? Does that mean that he has a pre-defined type? Will he try to compare relationships? Is there still a connection to the ex-?

It’s easy to see how—despite that one positive note—hearing that a guy is divorced is a scary prospect.

Lonely. Depressed. These two statements kind of go hand in hand; it would make sense that someone that’s feeling lonely would be depressed due to the loneliness. But, then again, one is able to raise question to the degree of the depression and loneliness. Does it mean that he will continue to be depressed a few communiqués in, or will it fade like it should? Does this mean that he will be a little clingy or over-exuberant when he gets a message or call? And if he’s lonely and depressed now, will he feel the same should things not work out?

That last question is a big one for many women; after all, how many women really want to be the cause of a man’s heartache? Not many; and where women typically feel so much more in tune with their emotions and know the pains of heartache themselves, they’d rather skip over the guy showing evidence that he’s in touch with his emotions, simply because they don’t want to hurt him any further.

Wishing to change all that, real soon, with your help. A good reinforcing statement that shows some play and humor—not a whole lot wrong with it—other than it’s a bit cheesy. It shows that the guy wants to find a true connection, but the cheese suggests that it may just be another line. So much for trying to show that I’m not just another one of those guys.

Untitled Entry for October 17, 2015

[This post was originally authored elsewhere. I’ve since decided to include it here.]

One thing that I’ve discovered is how much more emotionally exhausting being a single parent can be. It’s hard to try to be everything to the children, and to be there without falling apart in front of them. Fielding the commentary of how they wish that their mother was with us and still a part of our family brings up so many different feelings and emotions inside of me. How do I respond?

Most of the time, I simply tel the child, “I know,” and that “I wish she was here, too.”

…and sometimes, I do wish that their mother was still with us. It’s difficult to say why I fell that way, though. Is it because I wish I could grant the children that wish? Is it because I miss that family element that we’d had for over a decade? Is it because I am lonely?

Other times, I wish that their mother would find a way to grow more distant from us, because of all the heartache and pain that she’s brought–and continues to bring–upon this family.

[Republished March 27, 2016]