COLL300 Research Proposal

Jeremiah Hall Palmer
Prof. Myron
COLL300
Research Proposal
June 16, 2012

Social Media in Emergency Management

For several years, there has been a growing interest in the roles that social media can play during crises. In late 2010, FEMA began to pay attention to discussions surrounding the use of social media in emergency management. Since that time, more attention has been given to the concept on state and local levels. For this project, I would like to weigh in on the discussion and express the importance of social media for emergency management and disaster response.

Description:

Specifically, I would like to introduce examples of how social media outlets can benefit communications during response and recovery phases of any given event; making note of instances where the practice has worked successfully. Once I have established the importance of social media presence, I would like to tackle the issues related to maintaining a “social” presence, and allowing for the information to be passed along in a “viral” manner to ensure that the public is notified. Essentially, the statement that I wish to make is: “Social media—with it’s ease of use and maintenance, viral potential, and the connections made with the public at large—is an important tool to harness for the emergency manager.”

Plan:

My entire research will involve seeking out information from FEMA as well as varying professionals and pundits in emergency management and related fields. I suspect that there may be some personal experience included in my writing as well, as I maintain the local agency’s website and social media accounts.

In an effort to keep the project more “professional” with “scholarly” sources of information, I may have to expand my research into the realms of “brand-marketing”. The use of this seemingly unrelated topic runs parallel to the topic that I wish to discuss, and should aid in providing supportive argument. While this may seem a tad ridiculous, the use of marketing as an example is being used by emergency management professionals—and this University—to educate those in emergency management of the necessity.

I have briefly conducted some research into the topic and have found many potential sources of information. In addition to the sources listed below, I will seeking source material from the FEMA blog, as well as FEMA Administrator Craig Fugate’s Twitter stream. This is my (current) working bibliography:

Primary Sources

Aten, Jamie D.; Leavell, Kari; Gonzalez, Rose; Luke, Theresa; Defee, Justin; et al. Psychological Trauma: Theory, Research, Practice, and Policy3. 1 (Mar 2011): 16-20.
McGuire, Michael; Schneck, Debra. Public Administration Review, suppl. Special Issue on the Future of Public Administration in 202070 (Dec 2010): S201-S207.
Merchant, Raina M; Elmer, Stacy; Lurie, Nicole. The New England Journal of Medicine 365. 4 (Jul 28, 2011): 289-291.
Pechta, L. E., Brandenburg, D. C., & Seeger, M. W. (2010). Understanding the Dynamics of Emergency Communication: Propositions for a Four-Channel Model. Journal Of Homeland Security & Emergency Management, 7(1), 1-18.

Secondary Sources

Coleman, Timothy A; Knupp, Kevin R; Spann, James; Elliott, J B; Peters, Brian E. Bulletin of the American Meteorological Society92. 5 (May 2011): 567-582.
FEMA To Use Social Media For Emergency Response. (January 19, 2011 Wednesday 4:00 PM GMT ). TECHWEB, Retrieved from
O’Keefe, Ed. (June 4, 2009 Thursday ). FEMA Encourages Public Participation. The Washington Post, Retrieved from
Winerman, Lea. Nature457. 7228 (Jan 22, 2009): 376-378.
With response to tornadoes, FEMA begins to rebuild its reputation. (May 6, 2011 Friday). The Christian Science Monitor, Retrieved from

Schedule:

I have not set a specific schedule for the completion of this project. I am, however aware of the dates listed for the class assignments surrounding the project.

Approval Request:

Dr. Myron, I hope that you may find this proposed topic to be one interesting and worthy enough of attention. Of course, any comments and criticisms are welcome.

a thesis this is…

The following is a response to a required forum posting…

You have two tasks to complete in this week’s discussion forum posting. First, post your working thesis statement. Remember, your thesis statement must propose an arguable solution to a problem related to your major. Secondly, cruise the databases and portals in the APUS library or the use the search engines linked in the Week One Lesson, and then in this forum name at least three databases, search engines, or portals that you explored. Indicate which one might be the most helpful to your research. Each subscription database is set up a bit differently, so if you can, share tips you have discovered in the past for making your searches more productive. Use this assignment to explore at least one search engine or database new to you.

Your initial posting is due no later than midnight Thursday and should be between 250 and 300 words; your peer responses are due by Sunday midnight and must be at least 100 words in length and move the conversation forward.

Use this format when posting your thesis statement:

Problem:
Solution:
Thesis Statement:

When you respond to your classmates’ postings, please critique their thesis statements for clarity and conciseness; ideally, thesis statements should be a single sentence. Be sure that the thesis statement identifies a problem and proposes a solution. You may also suggest an alternative solution for your classmates to consider as they develop their papers. If possible, share your experiences with the databases or offer suggestions to help your classmates.

Note: The focus on the forum posts is on quality content, not simply meeting a minimum word requirement.

First, the simple break-down:

Problem: Communication prior to, during, and after a disaster

Solution: Savvy use of social media by emergency management

Thesis Statement: Social media—with it’s ease of use, maintenance, viral potential and connections to the public at large—is an important tool to harness for the emergency manager.

Now, the long-winded explanation of what I’m thinking:

For several years there has been a growing interest in the roles that social media can play during crises. We’ve seen people post messages on varying services alerting their friends and the public to disaster and distress; federal, state, and local agencies are now taking advantage of these services as well. My thesis will [hopefully] focus on this topic, with the main idea being the aforementioned thesis statement.

With the use of social media outlets agencies have the ability to reach additional audiences and also overlap pre-existing ones. Once upon a time we could rely upon the idea that the majority of the citizens had either a radio or television; today, this isn’t necessarily the case. Radio is still widely available, but too many people are not tuning in–with the advent of iPods and satellite radio, many aren’t listening to local broadcasts. It may still be a safe assumption that the average household has two televisions, but are these TVs watching satellite or terrestrial broadcasts? Too many people are “cutting the cord” and losing their connection to local media–these cord-cutters aren’t limited to mid- and upper-classes either. (Mine is a perfect example of a lower-class family which primarily watches IPTV–of course, I am a computer geek.)

The growing numbers of people making use of other technologies for media consumption need attention. Emergency managers should adjust to this trend by making available methods for the public to connect for receiving emergency information.

Additionally, making use of social media allows for an easy two-way connection to the public. An agency can easily collect a large amount of data from the public–by posting that an event has taken place in a certain area, the agency has not only informed the public but opened a discussion where community members can ask for and give additional details in near real-time.

…problematic? It can be… Most of the problems that can be associated with social media–with an exception to bad PR–are issues that we already deal with. Technical issues are present and have been present with many of our solutions for years. EAS broadcasts, tornado warning sirens–these systems are supposed to be reliable, functional and fast; frequently they fail in some way, usually related to an error in communications protocol–a bad radio transmitter, power, etc. Social media’s big failure can happen in the same way–broken telephone, cable, ISDN line or lack of power.

The only problem that social media could invite is one that can be prevented if agencies become involved–bad PR. By establishing a presence, however, any negative relations can be at a minimum as the door is opened for friendly discussion and resolution…

[…does this make sense? ]

These are the issues that I really want to express, along with using examples of more recent events where social media has been used either intentionally or accidentally and how the use has aided in disaster response and recovery.

To wrap it all up, I want to say something like—“It’s frickin’ easy, we all need to do it!”—but, of course, in a more educated and professional manner.

This topic may end up proving to be a large one to tackle, with much time being spent on sorting out opinion from facts; making use of the research tools available in our virtual library should aid in making the chore easier.

After a bit of digging, I found to have a nice amount of luck using ProQuest and LexisNexis—the latter coming as a surprise. I believe I will also be making use of the iSeek engine for some supplemental “non-scholarly” information; I found the manner in which that service provides categories—similar to the way LexisNexis allows for the refinement of searches—to be quite helpful.

This post recieved the following comment:

Johnathon Austin:
Jeremiah,

Technology is always changing and evolving, and a big result of that is social media. The fingerprints of social media are everywhere, because everyone, and every business uses it. It allows for instant transmission of news and information. I do agree with you that this will be a large topic to tackle because of how far it reaches, but I do believe that with some good research you will be able to do a good job. I was really surprised also at the amount of energy I was able to get from LexisNexis. I think it just might be my favorite database to use. Good luck!

Character and Style in The Things They Carried

[…kind of a recycled response to a class assignment… you can flip through the archives to see the original…]

Character development and style can be very strong elements in engaging a reader of any story. In The Things They Carried, author Tim O’Brien presented an interesting tale of the Vietnam war, and did so primarily through the views of one centralized character, Lt. Cross. Amidst the descriptions in the tale of the men and their supplies, we bounce back and forth from seeing the men—and Lt. Cross, in particular—as being “standard issue” grunts to being human. The development of the characters as well as the style used in presenting the tale—the cyclic switching of fantasy and reality—bring about an interesting perspective on war and the human psyche in general.

Throughout the work we are given multiple examples of how the war and the men’s prior lives have helped shape them. Though the military has prescribed a specific list of things the men must carry, each man carries something different with them—though in many ways, they still carry the same things. Comic books, photographs, letters, various “charms”—each man carrying something special to them which keeps them connected to their individual worlds at home; each man carrying something which attempts to keep them connected to sanity.

In the end, our main character, Lt. Cross, feels that his attempts at keeping sane—through his random daydreams—have drawn his mind away from his duties and caused an undue loss of life. I question whether the Leuitenant’s self-assesment is fair. Cross may have been miles away in his mind, but was he truly responsible for Lavender’s death? Day-dreaming of a woman that may not truly have “feelings”, imagining, questioning whether this girl was pure of mind, body and spirit—were these things really responsible for Lavender’s demise?

Boom-down. Zapped while zipping.

Cross, just as any other man would, found fault in himself, fault in his emotions—fault in being human—and decided to blame that fault for Lavender’s death. A good Lieutenant may not have been preoccupied with thoughts and visions of college girls playing volleyball, sure; but a good Lieutenant may have had his nose buried so deep in maps and radio communiqués that any number of men could have had their heads blown off.

Is imagination, fantasy, day-dreaming, escaping reality for a single moment—is it dangerous? It can be. Cross saw it as an avoidable danger in the end.

Are these separations from reality positive and helpful? Undoubtedly. One could question whether the men would be sane or even human if they did not take these breaks from the horror that they were living. It is my belief that the main point being driven here is that these feelings and emotions are impossible to escape; that to fantasize is simply a part of being human, and that it can and does happen at any time and in any setting. Whether these fantasies can be controlling—how influential they may be—is entirely up to the individual; interesting points to ponder, that were given to us through the awesome use of character.

O’Brien delivers his message very well, amidst this tale of a seemingly small platoon in the Vietnam War. The main concept of the collection of stories is to deliver the experience of the war; what better way to do so, than to write it in such a way as to allow for the reader to connect on a more human—a more emotional—level? In order to accomplish this goal, O’Brien made use of the historical fiction genre, and drew upon the use of fantasy as the connecting element between the characters and the reader. Fantasy also serves as an interesting element in affecting the flow of the story, jerking the reader into and out of the fantasies as well.

Delivering a factual tale of a war can be less than entertaining; telling the reader of the various equipment used creates a sense that the writer simply copied the dry and sterile text of a military publication—an equipment list, a duty roster, or a technical manual on the assembly of some exotic weapon. These facts, as necessary as they may be, do not engage a reader; breaking away and dipping into the souls of the characters involved, however, is very engaging. This is why, I suspect, that O’Brien chose the tactic of drawing us into the character; introducing the “current” fantasy and then breaking away back to the more “mundane” details of the things they carried, cycling back to the other “things” they carried—repeating the cycle.

This method—or style of writing—worked quite well to establish an engaging tale and give the reader a truer feeling of how fantasy can creep upon us, draw us in and then boom—back to reality.

—

Rather than keeping with one element as the prompt asked us, I chose to speak on both character and style, as the two were very closely related and equally important in this story.

…just as a side note…

…a really nice reading of the short is available at: http://www.podcastdirectory.com/podshows/10573078

further depression and confusion…

I’m trying to figure out why I let her take control of my emotions again.

 

…but can I really say “again”? That implies that I had let her stop controlling my emotions…

 

Just a few more days…

 

…a few more days, and I will have better direction–I will know more if what is on her mind, and whether we will be together again…

 

…marriage counseling. We’re scheduled for marriage counseling, and she still has his ass lying next to hers in bed!

 

I don’t know… She can’t make up her mind as to what she wants… She loves him but sees it is already failing… She still has feelings for me, and sees that we might be able to repair things…

 

I don’t know…

 

Jeremiah Hall Palmer (Introduction for COLL300 – Spring Semester 2012)

The following is another homework related writing:

Hello, everyone, my name is Jeremiah, and I am lousy at introductions; even more so these days—we’ll get to that shortly. I’m an early thirty-something from Cynthiana, Kentucky that’s fairly reserved and relatively shy and quiet—my writing is about the only time that I speak at any length; most likely because I can do so without fear of embarrassment. My feelings and emotions are usually a great influence on my performance, especially with regard to writing—this will be very evident if we hit a subject or work that I feel passionate about.

I am married, but separated; I have no idea as to whether there will be any chance of reconciliation. I used to be able to write at great length about my family, which made introductions much easier; these days, however…

I had pledged my life to a wonderful woman just a few months my senior; we had been together for roughly nine years, married for eight, and had known each other since high school—I had first noticed her in my freshman year of high school when she stepped onto my bus for the first time (I believe we had even shared a seat on a couple of occasions). In 2003 our paths crossed once more with us finally declaring our love for another; in 2004 we were blessed with our first child, with two additional blessings coming later in 2006 and 2009. Our son—the first born—now resides with me in my parents’ finished attic; the girls are at home with her.

I still care for the kids when needs arise, primarily because the man that now shares her bed has no desire to be around children. I have no ill feelings about caring for the kids, other than it causes issue with attempting to locate employment, plus it is quite difficult to provide care when I am limited to the graces of my parents and am not allowed access to the girls’ primary home by order of the other man—except for alternating Saturdays and when he is left completely unaware.

I had attempted to take this course once before, but dropped off. It is difficult to keep motivated and focus on literature when my inspiration has left me, and keeps toying with my emotions—I would go further to explain this cat and mouse game she is playing with my heart, but now is not the time; I wouldn’t be surprised if I do leak a bit more on the topic in the writings that will come.

If you are curious to discover more about me you can search the Internet for “kg4vma” and find quite a bit…

Best of luck to everyone here, and don’t be surprised if I drop off—again—as my life is still in a whirlwind related to the separation.

To this posting, I received one response:

Jason Conley:

Wow. That is one heck of an introduction. It is unfortunate that you are going through so much. I have never understood how a woman can be with a man that does not accept her children. I am a stepfather of a great 16 year old. I have been raising her since she was four and love as if she were my own. I really hope the best for you. I cannot imagine what you are going through not being able to see your kids as much as you would like. My heart goes out to you and I hope you do not have to drop the class.

COLL300 – Introduction Letter

Jeremiah Hall Palmer
COLL300
June 10, 2012
Introduction

Dear Dr. Myron,

As you may have already figured out—through the title of this document, the name attached to the submission, and the very first line on this page—my name is Jeremiah. First, I would like to admit that I am partially recycling a letter that I wrote for a previous attempt at taking this course; without that admission I could easily be accused of plagiarizing myself—a notion which I’ve always found ridiculous. Secondly, I’d like to apologize for breaking away slightly from the model given for this assignment—the personal introduction will run for more than a single paragraph.

As mentioned, this is my second attempt at this course; the prior hadn’t faired well due to some changes which came about in my life—changes that still have an effect on my life today. In late February of this year my wife of eight years, partner of nine, had an affair with a coworker; the following day she informed me that our relationship was through. Over the course of the following month I remained at home with her so that I could continue to care for our children. This period was quite painful, and left me in a state of depression in which I had no desire to continue with my course-load. In mid-April I left my home and moved into my parent’s attic. We continued to talk and see each other regularly until the first week of May, when the other man moved in; two weeks later our son moved in with me because of the friction caused by this man which has no desire to be surrounded by children. Life has hung in some twisted state of limbo—best described as some sort of purgatory—in which she still begs me to hang on, to wait and see; she has discovered that living with a selfish boy eight years her junior isn’t what he had her to believe it would be. She has since requested we attend counseling to see if there is a chance to repair the damage, and to muster the strength of removing her dead-weight.

It is very possible that I will be faced with the same mental anguish that I faced a few months ago over the course of this class. Do not be surprised if my work suffers or I disappear altogether. I may allude to my current status online from time to time; therefore, if you are curious, I would like to invite you to Google my regular Internet handle, “kg4vma”. In doing so you may also find some of my previous writings and school assignments that I have posted on varying profiles and blogs.

With regard to prior assignments, I have had some experience in drafting reports, providing analyses and supplying opinionated/persuasive writings in response to varying assignments and prompts. I would have to say that most of these assignments have been quite enjoyable, as I do tend to have a preference for expressing myself in writing. I must admit, however, that I struggled in writing responses for a course I took that dealt with human sexuality. This course was quite troubling for me as I was taking the class while being separated from my wife—the separation had occurred, in part, due to issues of infidelity; yes, this is a recurring theme that has gone on for several years.

I cannot offer much on my thoughts or interpretations of academic writing as related by my prior educators. I do understand that there are certain “rules” to writing when the works are for a particular audience; unfortunately, I have issues with the rules from time to time, as I prefer to lay my thoughts out as they happen. Additionally, I hate revising my thoughts to fit the “acceptable” format; this usually becomes more evident in “forum” postings for class work. In forums I frequently break from the main topic and develop some form of sub-topic in order to better illustrate a point. These methods however would not necessarily “fly” in many professional or trade publications.

In order to analyze other writing styles, practices, audiences, etc., I frequently turn the text that I am reading into an internal conversation or dialogue. In my personal experience I have found that if I can assign “voices” to the text and create defined characters for the audience I can then become one of the speakers and members of the crowd; once I have achieved this, I can begin to host my own internal open- “hometown” forum.

The strongest skill or tactic that I have relied upon since seventh grade is “free-writing”. I discovered that if I simply try and let the words flow, no matter how ridiculous or unrelated, I will eventually discover the words needed to develop a proper response. Without the use of this technique I face a cold-start which often triggers “writer’s-block”. A downside, however, is that it can lead to a lengthy writing; the upside is that what I do cut out often makes good fodder for a personal journal entry.

I do not know what sort of tools I should hope to learn from this course, nor do I have any expectations thereof. In my high school days I discovered that if I paid less attention to the “black and white” of a course I would be able to see many more colorful elements; therefore I try not to pay too much attention to course descriptions and syllabi. In doing so, I’ve found that I absorb more of the information—thinking in abstract grabs my attention and grasps at my mind.

I hope this letter meets the requirements, and has helped introduce you to the trouble you’re about to face! (Something else I frequently do in my writing—make very poor jokes.) Thank you for your time. I look forward to seeing what this course will bring.

Sincerely,
Jeremiah Hall Palmer

EDMG259 – Autobiographical Introduction

Hello, everyone, my name is Jeremiah, and I am lousy at introductions; even more so these days—we’ll get to that shortly. I’m an early thirty-something from a small town in Kentucky that’s fairly reserved and relatively shy and quiet; my writing is about the only time that I speak at any length; most likely because I can do so without fear of embarrassment. My feelings and emotions are usually a great influence on my performance, especially with regard to writing—this will be very evident if we hit a topic that I have a strong opinion on.

I am married, but separated; I have no idea as to whether there will be any chance of reconciliation. I used to be able to write at great length about my family, which made introductions much easier; these days, however…

I had pledged my life to a wonderful woman just a few months my senior; we had been together for roughly nine years, married for eight, and had known each other since high school—I had first noticed her in my freshman year of high school when she stepped onto my bus for the first time (I believe we had even shared a seat on a couple of occasions). In 2003 our paths crossed once more with us finally declaring our love for another; in 2004 we were blessed with our first child, with two additional blessings coming later in 2006 and 2009. Our son—the first born—now resides with me in my parents’ finished attic; the girls are at home with her.

I still care for the kids when needs arise, primarily because the man that now shares her bed has no desire to be around children. I have no ill feelings about caring for the kids, other than it causes issue with attempting to locate employment, plus it is quite difficult to provide care when I am limited to the graces of my parents and am not allowed access to the girls’ primary home by order of the other man—except for alternating Saturdays and when he is left completely unaware.

I have been “affiliated” with the local EM since 2001 in a voluntary status; our agency has only one paid position—director—which has been occupied by my father since 2003. I’ve not been able to carry a “deputy” status since 2004 due to difficulty in keeping up with training requirements—my life at home as the primary caregiver and homemaker kept me too busy to travel around the state to attend classes. My primary functions with the agency are the maintenance of online social media avenues and general “gopher” and clerical duties when the need arises.

I really haven’t any concrete expectations for this course, though my father joked that he hopes I will be able to file mitigation grant applications and write a few proposals, lessening his workload.

If you are curious to discover more about me or the local EM, you can search the Internet for “kg4vma” or “harrisonema” and find quite a bit about me and the agency.

Best of luck to everyone here, and—sadly—don’t be surprised if I drop off; my life is still in a whirlwind related to the separation.

Week 3 Response – Plagiarism (COLL300)

Yep. Another post that had been a homework assignment follows:

Review the material in your text on plagiarism (Chapter 30, pages 474-479).

After reviewing the material in CW, examine one of your recent research papers. In a one to two paragraph posting, answer the following questions:

1. Did you follow the chapter’s guidelines?
2. Where do you need to improve? Post your original response in a new thread.

Be sure to respond to at least two of your peers. Original Response is due by midnight Thursday; peer responses are due by midnight Sunday.

Form 10%: Student follows correct format for the assignment, including proper documentation of sources, if applicable, through in-text citations and a bibliography.
Focus/Thesis 15%: Student demonstrates a clear understanding of assignment and assignment goal. If thesis is required in the assignment, it is clearly defined, identifiable, and constructed to help guide the reader throughout the assignment.
Content/Analysis 45%: Student has incorporated all required elements of the assignment. Where applicable, the thesis statement is supported by facts, examples, and statistics. Content is well developed and exhibits evidence of serious analysis and critical thinking.
Style/Organization 20%: Assignment meets the expectations of collegiate writing. The writing exhibits a clear, logical organizational structure and flows smoothly from point to point from general statements to specific details. The writing is engaging, effective, and concise.
Grammar/Mechanics 10%: The assignment contains no grammatical or spelling errors. The student uses punctuation not only for clarity but also for rhetorical purposes.

It has been some time since I have written a “research paper” as an assignment; I have, however, written several research driven responses over the past year—the latest being one telling of a military incident.

For an EDMG230 forum response/assignment I was given the task of seeking out an example of a military incident for a critique of how the situation had or had not been properly handled. For this task I managed to dig up a few articles on a “broken arrow”—damaged missile—incident that took place in 2003 at a Naval base in Washington. As part of my style of writing—and as this assignment leaned on giving an opinion of the outcome—I located a blogger that wrote of the incident as well in a conspiracy-like fashion; normally this sort of “trick” is unacceptable for collegiate writings, however I believed my audience would be accepting of the maneuver.

In my writing I sourced materials from the Associated Press and the blogger, making every effort to balance the story I was presenting until I reached the point where I was to critique the incident. Once my critique began I strayed from sourcing further material, so as I would not be accused of manipulating source material . At one point, I also placed a separate conspiracy-theory of my own in the midst of my critique; as this could have been seen as being written in at an inappropriate section—well ahead of the conclusion—I chose to place the theory in brackets to designate that the thought was in fact separate and my own.

In reviewing what I had written I found one mistake which could have been easily avoided had I carefully proofread the text before publishing—an error in citation. In the fourth paragraph of my response I had mistakenly placed a citation following the period of a sentence; this mistake was made due to the ways in which I write—I “free-write” all of my work without citations first, and edit afterward.

Aside from that one particular mistake, I did not notice any other errors that could be interpreted as plagiarism—intentional or otherwise. As always, the largest area of concern in writing is proofreading.

[To see the response referenced in this response, visit: http://kg4vma.livejournal.com/526907.html]

Dreaming of Love and Dangers Thereof: An Essay on Fitzgerald's "Winter Dreams"

…rough draft of a short essay i need to turn in tomorrow…

Human emotion, with regard to matters relating to the heart, can be quite an interesting topic for discussion, and one which is brought forth in reading F. Scott Fitzgerald’s “Winter Dreams”. Our central character in this short tale is a young man by the name of Dexter Green. Dexter comes from humble beginnings, yet manages to live an American dream of owning and operating a successful business, rewarding him with the ability to stand amongst the same character of men he had once caddied for as a child. Dexter’s fortune has brought him many things in life; love—or the love he had desired for so long—isn’t among the rewards.

On the day Dexter had decided to quit his job as a caddy at age fourteen, Dexter crossed paths with a young lady and her nurse; the child he had recognized from a year or so prior, yet this time she seemed more striking—perhaps because she had grown closer to the age of pubescence, though still “beautifully ugly” at the age of eleven. This spoiled, privileged child—who had been throwing a tantrum of sorts in finding that a game of golf might be out of the question—caught his eye and captured his heart with an innocent yet devilishly mischievous smile.

Years passed, and Dexter went off to college, taking loans against his degree following graduation and purchasing a laundering service. Through the combination of becoming successful and catering to the special laundering needs of golfing attire, Dexter was extended an invitation to the club where he had caddied. While on the links playing among the men he had once followed, Dexter once again crossed paths with little Miss Jones, who was now a much older and “matured” Judy Jones. Later that evening, Dexter and Judy dined together, and spoke of varying topics, with the final being an attraction to another followed by some heavy petting. Though these actions were undeniably based on mere physical attraction, and possible attraction of assumed social status, Dexter fell madly in love, connecting the experience to the first time his eyes were drawn to her smile so many years ago.

Judy was, sadly, a bit of a flirt and strung along many men over the years, and had even continued to do so while her and Dexter were “together”. Understandably, Dexter was upset when he discovered that Judy was so set in having what she wanted—so much so that she extended this selfishness into her love life, and saw no issue with it. Dexter was, however, still deeply infatuated with Judy; Dexter had found himself into many of the elite club and society gatherings just so that he could have opportunity to find time with her. Eventually, Dexter tried to push the thoughts of this first love aside, and sound another interest, Irene, to whom he became engaged. The engagement didn’t last, however, as Judy once again entered his life, and took him away to her boudoir.

Dexter had spent so many years pining over Judy, and it led to nothing but heartache. Roughly ten years had passed, and their paths hadn’t crossed—not a thought had been given—until the day a gentleman, a Devlin character with business in Detroit off-handedly mentioned Judy. The simple mention of her name brought about all of the old feelings Dexter had for this woman. Concern and anger rose in Dexter as Devlin shared how Judy was nothing more than a fairly common housewife now—no special beauty or endearing, mischievous smiles graced her face anymore. A love that enveloped Dexter for so long—a love which had caused him to lose his fiancée—was no more; Judy, though still alive, no longer existed. Dexter, having received this word, has found that a part of himself has died as well. Judy was more than an old-flame, but a “dream” of his—a part of his heart, his mind, his soul—that had helped and caused harm in making him the man he had become.

your depressed ramblings for february 18, 2012

I have been staring at a blank computer screen. well, relatively blank. not really blank. there’s stuff on the screen. but it might as well be blank. there should be words on the screen–words that are my own; an essay speaking about a short story that I just read. but there is nothing there. I haven’t figured out what to say. There isn’t really anything that I would like to say. my mind is elsewhere. i am focused on other issues. things that are much more important than a silly essay. and in some weird way, I know that some of what I am feeling can be harnessed for what I just read. Maybe that is part of the issue. I cannot write because the feelings are so similar. I cannot write because the tale speaks of love, betrayal, dreaming for more, losing a heart’s desire, desperately grasping for a better knowledge of things that have happened–influences of certain situations, etc.

life sucks.

love sucks.

literature sucks.

people suck.

wouldn’t it be nice if we lived in a world where we had no fears? a world where we were all honest to one another? a world where we didn’t lie? a world where we didn’t cheat? a world where we didn’t steal? a world where we respected one another? a world where we were truly conscious of other’s feelings? a world where we truly knew the risks and consequences of our actions? a world where there wasn’t any jealousy? no inferiority? no esteem issues?

we have no reason to think any higher of our own self in comparison to another, do we? no reason to think any lessor of our own self? then we do we? why do we allow ourselves to beat one another? hurt one another? use one another? what is there to gain from this?

…and what bothers me more is the thought that there are quite a few that do not stop to take the time to think of these things. those who are too busy creating these problems. those who act without fearing consequence. those who are deceitful. those who have no respect for anyone other than themselves. those who believe that they are better. those who believe that they can take advantage of a situation for personal gain, damning everyone else that stands in the way. selfishness. egotism. narcissism.

blah.