[Diarium] Tuesday, October 22, 2024

Tuesday, October 22, 2024

“What have you done today?”

Not a whole lot, except work and barely sleep.

Did watch a movie with Ashlee at supper. Coco. Kids were uninterested.

Had a talk with Violet before leaving for work. Not sure if it helped any. Violet is continuing to struggle with being a teen. I don’t think there’s much that I can do besides listen and keep reassuring her that she’s a good kid and is handling things as well as she can and that everything will be fine.

I dunno.

Lunar phase: 🌖 Waning gibbous

[Diarium] Tuesday, October 15, 2024

Tuesday, October 15, 2024

Tired.

I don’t understand why people leave this break room a mess. How hard is it to clean up after yourself?

I don’t understand a lot of things about this place and the people employed.

I don’t understand why everyone seems to have a bad attitude about things. I don’t understand why there isn’t any sort of pride in anything. I don’t understand why everyone just carelessly throws things wherever. I don’t understand why nobody cleans up hardly anything.

It just drags things down. Doesn’t anyone realize that this negativity is contagious? Doesn’t anyone realize that it will just continue unless they make the change?

I don’t understand any of it.

Lunar phase: 🌔 Waxing gibbous

[Diarium] Wednesday, October 9, 2024

Wednesday, October 9, 2024

Tired.

When I got home this morning I completely crashed. Went directly to the bed, still fully dressed, and just collapsed. At some point Ashlee woke me enough to undress me. I didn’t awaken until 15:30.

I still feel tired. Several joints and muscles ache. It’s terrible. I don’t think I’ve felt this drained in a while, and haven’t felt quite this drained since I started working here. I guess it’s all finally *really* catching up to me.

I need rest. Good rest. And there’s not really any in sight.

On the financial front, I think I’ve got a better picture of what’s going on. Unless I’m mistaken, I think I heard Ashlee say that I kinda need to keep working for a couple years. While my pay is helping to work on things, it’s not quite at the pace I would hope it would be; I’m helping us stay afloat more than putting towards paying things off. I guess it doesn’t help that we’ve had a few odd surprise expenses pop up that have contributed to increasing our debt slightly.

I dunno. I’m tired.

I hope I can rest soon. I hope debts can be settled soon.

Lunar phase: 🌒 Waxing crescent

[Diarium] Tuesday, October 8, 2024

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

I’m tired.

Watched channel 9 Orlando before work to get a little bit of a feel for the hurricane that’s headed that way. Sent a message to my sister telling her I loved her.

Ugh. I’m tired. I wanna go home. I wanna sleep. Recurring theme, I know.

Seriously, though. I have a huge disliking for this overnight work. Still haven’t figured out any sort of fix for it. Not sure if there is one. Guess I should just do my best to get used to it.

Not really much more I can say. That’s kind of frustrating and depressing, too–the inability to come up with more to say on that or any topic. Just “almost existing” is about all I can say I’m doing right now; which sounds a lot worse than it actually is. I love my home and my family and everything. I’m just not really doing a lot with them or interacting with hardly anything. I’m just, here. Trying to stay alive. Trying to hold out for the day when I can enjoy everything again.

I miss my home and family. I miss the life I had before going back to work.

Lunar phase: 🌒 Waxing crescent

[Diarium] Sunday, October 6, 2024

Sunday, October 6, 2024

I’m tired. I wanna be at home in bed. But I gotta work.

I really wish I could figure out something else I could do to take care of our financial needs. Working overnight sucks.

But I gotta do what I gotta do.

Hopefully all this is only temporary, and I can be home with the family again.

God, I hope so.

Lunar phase: 🌒 Waxing crescent