Tag: Diarium

Made it to work. I really don’t wanna be here. But who does?

I wish I could be at home.

Maybe I’ll get lucky and I’ll be sent home for some silly reason. I know I really shouldn’t wish for that. But it would be nice for my soul.

I really don’t understand how or why I ended up in lawn and garden. I don’t know a thing about plants. You plant them in dirt, they grow, and half of them look like weeds to me. That’s about all I know.

I’ve got about twelve more days before I can retake an assessment. Hopefully that one position I’m halfway interested in will be available by then.

I don’t know. Maybe I don’t need any friends. I’m doing a decent job of expressing myself by journaling my thoughts again. It just sucks that there’s no two way communication going on. Unless I start responding to myself. I mean, I have done that. Hilarity ensued, most of the time. Though I have also been a troll to myself.

Just a couple more hours until lunch. Then a couple more hours until the last break. Then I can go home a couple more hours after that.

I wanna go home.

Half a million thoughts running around in my head, and I don’t like a single one of them.

That number is an exaggeration, of course, and I’m sure there’s got to be a thought or two that I don’t mind, and others I could put a spin on and have turn out right. But right now, there’s a couple that are bothering me in a negative way. The first being that I didn’t sleep well. Very stupid; very simple. Ashlee went to bed clothed, and I never got a chance to feel her naked body against mine. Stupid. Very stupid. But I guess I desperately needed to feel that closeness.

My other big negative thought is my dealing with neighbors. One of them came bitching about our stupid dog and her barking. So, I built a fence across the backyard. I wasn’t prepared to build a fence; I’d had a certain styling and materials in mind, which would’ve required a nice chunk of money and time that we don’t have. So, I erected a fence that I really don’t like. Having given the dog more freedom, she’s slightly quieter, but she’s still going to be a nuisance. So, now I’ve spent money I don’t have and ruined the aesthetics of my yard in order to appease a neighbor that can’t hear their TV over the barking of my dog.

I was planning on spending time mowing the yard, fixing Ashlee’s car, and then finding something to do as a family yesterday. Instead I spent my time throwing together a fence, watching/hearing Ashlee suffer getting started on her car, and then I switched over to finishing up her car once I got to a good enough stopping point on the fence.

And, of course, now there’s more on my plate, because I need to finish up the fence and try to make it something I like, and give it some better functionality. I need to add a few more posts, dress it with planks at the posts (because t-posts are ugly), add a top rail (because, aesthetics), hang a walk through gate and finally build & hang a drive through gate.

And I want to try and figure out how to accomplish all this before the coming weekend, and mow the yard.

I fucking hate people.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know if there’s anything wrong with me. Is it normal to be starved for friendship? Is it normal to be jealous or envious of friendship?

What is wrong with me?

My next day off is Wednesday. I really don’t like the sound of that. I wish I had it a lot sooner.

Currently sitting at the kitchen table, just kinda of waiting for it to become time to leave for work.

I’ve been fighting off sinus issues related to the ever changing weather. It sucks.

Ashlee halfway got me interested in toying with retro gaming emulation again. Been tinkering with the Batocera box in the living room, and installed Reroarch on the Windows 8 machine in the family room. I need to go through the files on the Batocera box and kill dupes and any broken arcade roms.

I need to change the oil in the pickup.

I really want to figure out the transmission issues in the Durango.

I want to get back into programming and installing radios in the vehicles. I want to figure out a base station solution for in the house. I need to finish setting up the shack in the workshop.

Well, it’s getting even closer to time to leave. Guess I’ll make one last run to the bathroom and leave.

I’m just a bundle of raw nerves and emotions and blah.

— 09:50 —

Been a little bit since I’ve written anything. Haven’t had much time, nor much of anything to write about.

One thing that I can say for right now is that when it comes to work, I have this thought and feeling of not even knowing why I’m here, or why I’m bothering to come to work. I dunno. Maybe I’ll express more on that thought later.

— 11:10 —

I hate Christmas

— 14:07 —

It’s cold. And the Google says it’s gonna get colder.

Nivea and Violet left a while ago to go spend a bit of time with their mother; Nivea was here a couple days for the Thanksgiving holiday. It was nice having her around; it’ll only be a couple weeks before she returns for the winter break / Christmas holiday.

— 14:17 —

I’ve been sporadically wasting time over the past week purging emails from my inbox. I’d amassed a count nearing 50k; I’ve gotten it knocked down to around 38k.